What Are Your Child's Odds Of Choking To Death On A Hot Dog?

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20 Responses

  1. delurking says:

    You missed an important sentence: "About 17% of food-related asphyxiations are caused by hot dogs."

    That is 17% of the 77, or ~13.

  2. whomever says:

    You are overstating the odds. The cited article states "and up to 77 die, … About 17% of food-related asphyxiations are caused by hot dogs." 77*.17=13.09.

    The "up to 77 die" makes me suspect that 77 was carefully cherry picked as well.

  3. vegas710 says:

    I've always cut hotdogs lengthwise before giving them to younger kids. I foresee a nice little marketing campaign for skinny (toddler) hotdogs, they've created a great gimmick for Oscar Meyer here.

  4. Ken says:

    Well, if the kids would just stop entering those stupid hot-dog-eating contests, things would go much better.

    I object to people getting alarmed about hot dogs without getting panicked about grapes. Kids love to swallow grapes whole. I have personally Heimliched a kid choking on a grape — for a terrifying rate of approximately 100% of male children of my groomsmen. If we can engineer Frankencorn, can't we engineer grapes to be teensy-tiny?

  5. vegas710 says:

    Mmm, champagne grapes.
    I thought the same thing as I was halving grapes for the baby at lunch today.

  6. Chris says:

    "“If you were to take the best engineers in the world and try to design the perfect plug for a child’s airway, it would be a hot dog” – Nonsense! It would, at the very least, have backwards-facing spikes.

  7. shg says:

    The "perfect plug?" Yet another marketing opportunity. There's nothing magical about the current shape of a hot dog, as opposed to a grape which by sheer misfortune of nature, grows that way. Make 'em bigger. Make 'em smaller. Make 'em any darn way someone will buy them. They're hot dogs, for crying out loud. Those little cocktail ones are cute as the dickens.

  8. Charles says:

    Because I like this joke, I will make it in more than one place.

    Get ready for Dippin' Dawgs: The Hot Dogs of the Future.

  9. Bob says:

    Coins. Those are a big problem, too.

  10. Ken says:

    They do make hot dogs specifically for youngsters: Vienna sausages.

  11. Robert says:

    I just got back from Vienna.

    In Vienna, they call hot dogs "Frankfurters". But in Frankfurt, they call them "Weiners". Go figure.

    In any event, I can assure you that the Viennese children are smart enough not to choke on hot dogs. Or maybe it's their now-acceptable way of eugenically purifying their race, by eliminating the stupid.

  12. Dave (nd) says:

    Notice they don't talk about apples. That's just because the hospitals want more money.

  13. "In Vienna, they call hot dogs “Frankfurters”. But in Frankfurt, they call them “Weiners”. Go figure."

    Is this true? All the stands I went to in Vienna (to the tune of about 2 a day*) called their foodstuffs various types of -wursts. Except for one. That one they called "Hot Dog mit Kasekrainer," which translates into English as roughly "World's Tastiest Cheese Dog."

    *To paraphrase Will Farrell impersonating Harry Caray: I love wurstel. I wish wurstels were like currency. A dozen of them would be like a nickel.

  14. Patrick says:

    Well, the German name for Vienna is Wien, Mark, and so to call hot dogs "wieners" would feel odd. Like calling them "Coney Islands" in New York.

  15. Patrick – I understand that part of it. I just don't recall the Viennese calling any wurstels "Frankfurters." The nomenclature I observed for a Frankfurter/Weiner-style sausage was usually the Americanized "Hot Dog," with a cheesey version of same being called a "Hot Dog mit Kasekrainer." Admittedly, I was only there for about four days, but in those four days I probably hit up a Wurstel Stand about twice a day.

  16. Dirk D says:

    People from Wien are Wieners. Hotdogs are -wursts and occasionally frankfurters (if they are speaking to you in english).

  17. Robert says:

    Nonsense! I was in Vienna just two weeks ago. Either the entire city was conspiring to fool me, or you are mistaken:


    Also, I entertained myself by asking Austrians to say "Come with me if you want to live." It's even more fun than asking Hollanders to say "Van Gogh"

  18. Bellevue Attorney says:

    Anybody do a search to see how many kids while die experimenting with the use of bologna as a dental dam and accidentally inhale it? Maybe that oughtta be redesigned too

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