If John Fitzgerald Page Did Not Exist, It Would Be Necessary For The Internet To Invent Him

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10 Responses

  1. Andrew says:

    Gawker and Popehat. Two great tastes that taste great together.

  2. David says:

    From which recesses of your turbulent mind do these metaphors spring forth? In any event, I find myself constrained to point out that Joseph Carey Merrick's case of Proteus Syndrome (aka Wiedemann's syndrome, not to be confused with his common misdiagnosis of multiple neurofibromatosis, aka Von Recklinhausen's disease) left his scrotal demesne entirely unmodified.

    You must be thinking of some other bag of holding.

  3. Al says:

    Is it wrong that I'm hoping he tries to sue you next? I mean, come on! Some of this has to be libel and/or slander, right?

  4. Reuven says:

    At the risk of having him sue me, my hypothesis is that he's not quite sane.

  5. Rich Rostrom says:

    I think maybe your reference to the "Elephant Man" was a confused recollection of elephantiasis, which can have this effect. (Warning: not for the squeamish.)

  6. mojo says:


    It was a joke, folks. It doesn't need to be technically correct, it just has to be funny.

  7. SPQR says:

    But it was the funny that caused the nit picking …

  8. Jason says:

    His genius IQ and Ivy League schooling still allows him to confuse "council" with "counsel" in the context of this threatening communiqué.

  9. Marli says:

    He attacked me repeatedly when I applied for one of his jobs that he didn't see me as "fit" for. I had no idea who he was at the time or would have NEVER sent it in.

    I submitted (as a 22 year old actress) for a 25 year old position (because I can reasonably play 25 years old).

    He said to me:
    They want someone 30. Agents HATE submissions that don't fit what we ask for. The children in the ad are 5-13, you would look pretty dumb with a 13 year old on you lap, would you not?

    I have boys applying for girls roles, 46 year olds applying, etc. Just to help you, in the future, only apply if you fit what is asked for.

    Look at this way – do you want 40 year olds applying for your roles?

    Then I called him a jackass and told him I didn't really need his opinon. I had the right to submit.

    So he said:
    APOLOGIZE IMMEDIATELY! I was nice ENOUGH to point out that YOU FUCKED UP, and even showed you WHY! I put the AGES of the KIDS in the ad! Do you know any 22 year olds with 13 year old kids? You are hearing SUBMIT FOR ANYTHING from TALENT – not from an AGENT!

    I am trying to HELP YOU! I have 100+ gorgeous talent, including MS. GA. You are lucky to get 10 seconds of my time.

    If you don't apologize IMMEDIATELY, I will forward your email to EVERY legit agency in town. Do not EVER talk that way to any agent – we call all burn you in ten seconds. It's called NTBSA – look it up!

    Talent like you makes me want to scream!

    I said I was sorry for cursing, but that he was not all knowing.

    am all knowing – I know all the legits agents in this town and can torch you with all of them.

    I was trying to help you. You can never win – I am the agent, you are the talent. ONE of me, 100 of you.

    I decide who gets submitted and who gets tossed in the trash.

    I tried to help you and this is the thanks I get.

    You only get ONE shot with an agent, and you blew yours big time.

    Some day, you will figure this out. A CD can call me and get 100 people or call you and get one – who will they ALWAYS call first?

    I said I googled him, and he couldn't burn me any more than he could save himself.

    I am glad you read BLOGS and TABLOIDS and GOSSIP! Do you see any actual NEWS with my name on it? I can write you are a fat idiot and put it on my websites – does that make it true?

    Read my acting website and my agency site – I am the creme de la creme of the acting/modeling community in this one horse town.

    Why is it always the fat ones that give me the most trouble? I blew off a fat chick on Match 3.5 years ago and the internet came out of the woodwork. People like you, who have NOTHING on me, giving me a hard time. Girls hate me, because I have standards. Guys hate me because they can't carry my jock.

    I didn't Google you, because you don't mean shit to me.

    You fucked up and applied for a job you don't fit. Why don't you GOOGLE "I fucked up and applied for a job I don't fit"?

    I have never scammed, lied or cheated anyone, anywhere. Find ONE police report, lawsuit, or legit complaint against my business or me and I'll give you a million bucks. Just haters like you, who suck, have no life, are overweight, and have nothing better to do, typing away in their mom's basement. Find ONE human being that says I owe them money or has paid me money to rep them and bring them to my office. ONE. I will hand you a check for a MILLION bucks. Look at my site – I rep 100 amazing looking people, who look nothing like you. Do you think they are all stupid – they have been in Jezebel, Maxim, Playboy, etc. They know who the man is.

    I have the balls to tell people to their face when they fuck up and they can't stand it.

    Do you have an $800 job for 4 hours that I can apply for? Then who is in charge here?

    Why don't you ask one of my 100+ talent if I am legit or not – do you know any of them?

    All the agents in this town talk all the time, if you don't think I can burn you, you are crazy. I am already burnt on the internet, I have the freedom to take anyone I choose with me at any time.

    I didn't respond so that pissed him off, and he threatened me:

    I would remove your CL blog post ASAP and get to working on your own problems – like being 45 lbs overweight.



    He's a grade a douche

  1. July 14, 2010

    […] And yet Mr. Page's demand letter seems only to have succeeded in getting his name, and that of his modeling agency, into wider circulation. [Ken at Popehat] […]