Remember, The Policeman Is Your Friend Who Believes Time-Traveling Future People Have Seeded The Earth With Technology That Would Make James Bond Weep With Envy
How else to explain Sergeant Jonathan Burke, of the Delaware County, Ohio Sheriff's Department, who arrested Melissa Greenfield for the crime of possessing a deadly "cell-phone gun."
Sgt. Jonathan Burke wrote that he repeatedly ordered Greenfield to place the "unknown" object in her pocket and keep her hands free. When Greenfield refused, she was arrested and charged with obstructing official business and resisting arrest.
Burke wrote in his report that he feared that Greenfield could have been holding a dangerous object such as a "cell-phone gun."
Here in present time, the cell-phone gun hasn't yet been invented. Our primitive technology has barely reached the cell-phone camera, which is what Greenfield insists she was pointing at Sergeant Burke. As he questioned her boyfriend, who was not arrested, for some reason.
Insidious time traveling woman! Go directly to Time Prison!
It's good to know that brave officers like Sergeant Burke are on the scene to protect us from not-yet-invented weapons of mass destruction like the cell-phone gun. Of course some, foolish skeptics who probably also believe that the flat earth was created 6,000 years ago, might say that Sergeant Jonathan Burke is a liar who should be fired from his job, prosecuted for obstruction of justice, and sued for false arrest and malicious prosecution.
But I'm glad he's out there, protecting us all from wormhole loops, chrono-vortices, causal paradox anomalies, time meddlers who want to kill baby Hitler, and Daleks.
Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White
- Just A Couple Of Questions About Lynch Mobs - April 23rd, 2015
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility For Chip McGee's Feelz. And For Wombats. - January 30th, 2015
- Charlie Hebdo - Open Thread - January 7th, 2015
- The Curious Case Of The T.V. Attorney And Twitter - December 20th, 2014
- The Statement Of South Pittsburg Commissioner Jeff Powers - December 17th, 2014