If It Walks Like A Duck, And Censors Like A Duck . . .

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16 Responses

  1. Dan Weber says:

    PZ might just up the ante; posting something along the lines of:

    "Not only is it my opinion that Maloney is a quack, I fully believe it to be an accurate statement of fact. It is fully my intention to cause harm to his business and harm his reputation since I believe he hurts people."

    Basically call Maloney's bluff.

  2. Ken says:

    Perhaps. But you can't make an opinion into a fact just by saying it is one. If you say that I am a convicted criminal, that's a statement of fact. If you say I am a dork, that's an opinion, even if you couch it in "it is a fact that Ken is a dork." "Quack", I believe, is the same.

  3. Patrick says:

    No. You are a dork, and that is a fact.

  4. Ken says:

    Incidentally, "raven" — a helpful commenter on Prof. Myers' site — has patiently explained to me that Prof. Myers can just sue Christopher and Meaghan Maloney for violations of his civil rights under 18 U.S.C. 241, a federal criminal statute, or can just get the U.S. Attorney's Office to indict them for that crime, and that this will survive a "Summary Dismissal motion" [sic]. Unicorns might have been involved at that point, but frankly I was laughing so hard that my eyes teared up and I missed the rest.

  5. Scott Jacobs says:

    I'm gonna have to side with Patrick on this one Ken…

  6. Ken says:

    I am SO suing you now.

  7. nrasmuss says:

    Ken, as to your hurtful and censorious comments regarding lobster-wielding therapists, I wish merely to point out that good humor is positively correlated with better medical outcomes. Surely you do not seek to deprive the residents of our nation's cancer wards of the positive follow-on effects of this remarkable and efficacious treatment?

    No doubt the Maine Lobsterman's Benevolent is drafting a missive to Ms. Maloney as I type this…

  8. Linus says:

    I like to think that if my last name were Maloney, I'd actually spell it "Mologna". Mmmmmm, Mologna….

  9. Scott Jacobs says:

    Thankfully, Ken, I know a couple of lawyers who might be able to defend me from that suit. :)

  10. Ken says:

    nrasmuss, I doubt ANYONE would find it funny to be beaten with a five-pound lobster. I grant it that many of us would find it funny to see another person — preferably an annoying person, like one of the Maloni — beaten with a five pound lobster. So if you would like to develop a treatment methodology that involves carting them around to cancer wards and beating them with lobsters, I will not call you a quack.

  11. PLW says:

    If it walks like a dork…

  12. Chris says:

    Boy, how would you even create a blind study to find out if that works? Would you take people around to cancer wards and beat them with something less funny that still looks like a lobster?

  13. Ed G says:

    And wouldn't "Lobster Therapy" get PETA all over your case? Shouldn't you be using a "TofLobster" or some other nutritionally-similar substitute?

  14. Ken says:

    A TofLobster would just splat wetly all over the place. That would be low, pie-in-the-face comedy. REAL lobsters — all hard and spiny — would be edgy, black, Tarantino-style comedy.

  15. Dwight Brown says:


    I personally believe that a proper double-blind study would compare lobsters to Hippoglossus hippoglossus.

    I propose this, not because I believe the latter would be more or less effective, but simply just for the halibut.

  16. A couple things:

    First: Maloney was in contact with that other quack, Andreas Moritz. It is unknown which quack contacted the other first (my bet is that Moritz initiated a connection, but that's educated speculation), but it is clear that I constitute their most direct link. As a result of their conversations about being featured on my site, Moritz sent WordPress an email which cited Maloney's status as a licensed naturopath in Maine. As far as I'm concerned, Maloney had a pretty clear hand in assisting Moritz in getting my site shut down for 6 days. (Maloney later lied and said I was only shut down to due a WordPress glitch.)

    Second: Maeghan Maloney and Christopher Maloney are married.

    Third: Maloney said he contacted the police. He's a drama queen. They turned him away and the officer never bothered to file any report, what with no crime or threat ever being made. Crazy that.