Occasionally My Timing Is Less Than Optimal

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60 Responses

  1. Andrew S. says:

    This is the kind of thing that makes me wish I had gone into litigation instead of transactional corporate/securities. Fewer chances to help out like this with that kind of experience.

  2. Andrew says:

    Happy anniversary, Ken.

  3. Dan Irving says:

    Discovered your work via Instapundit. Great job!


  4. I agree wholeheartedly!! Ken, I'm just another transactional attorney, but seriously, if you ever need someone to schlep your litigation back to court for you, I would so drive up to Los Angeles to do it. You are my hero.

  5. Jeff says:

    Based on the truly impressive number of "dainty lady boners" created by that letter, Ken officially wins the internet!

  6. shg says:

    When I read the requests for naked pictures of you, I was deeply concerned. Happy anniversary, and please (really, please) no naked pictures. None.

  7. doug says:

    you are awesome.

  8. manybellsdown says:

    On behalf of the Fat Jealous Losers of Regretsy, I wish you a very happy anniversary.

    And also, I think I was the one who first dropped your name into that conversation, so … uh … tell your wife I'm sorry.

  9. Scott Jacobs says:

    I don't think those are all chicks, Ken…

    Maybe that would cheer your wife up?

  10. Amanda says:

    You win the internets. That was the best thing I've read in quite some time. It's damn nice of you to help out the people who got that drivel.

    I hope you had a nice anniversary.

  11. inklets says:

    I'm one of the Regretsy girls and yes, there are some drooling boys too. How ironic that you got all this attention on your wedding anniversary! May you and the Missus have many more years together!

  12. Scott Jacobs says:

    inklets, this assumes his dear and saintly wife doesn't kill him…

    But he's beaten the odds before so we're all quite hopeful…

  13. inklets says:


    Heh. Yes!

  14. Sue says:

    You are an awesome human being. Happy anniversary!

  15. Chris says:

    It lacked the "snort my taint" line that I was expecting. That might have driven off the throngs of amorous females.

  16. Allegro says:

    Ken, you rock. Seriously.
    There are literally thousands of people following the goings on of this case, and your letter is making them all stand up and applaud. If you're ever near St Louis, stop by and I'll buy you a beer.

  17. Alex P. says:

    I'm 33 credits from a BS in Business/HR and have been considering a legal career (constitutional law) off and on for a few year – I went for the soft option because at the time we (the family) were an active duty military family.

    Now my spouse is looking at getting medically discharged and we will have a permanent residence… My current law professor is encouraging me to become a constitutional law professional; family and friends are stating that I couldn't handle the frustration and heartbreak.

    Would you be willing to e-mail me and discuss this with me?


  18. Bibbledy says:

    Just stopping by to say that your Regretsy-featured letter is a beautiful example of how legal language should be. You do the Plain English movement credit, Sir!

  19. Robert says:

    You really made a lot of friends over at regretsy…and the reply letter was great as always.

  20. Anna says:

    Reading through that awesome letter, I was thinking, "Forget Fifty Shades of Gray. THIS is what women are looking for." And the comments section bear me out.

    You know, you can compile your legal correspondence and publish them. With the reaction at Regretsy, you just might outsell Fifty Shades of Gray. Heh.

  21. Aaron says:

    Needs More Taint.

  22. Dawn says:

    Happy anniversary to both of you. I trust that the woman awesome enough to have married you will understand and appreciate that fawning throngs of women (and yes, probably a few men) want what she has. After all, if there is anything more gratifying than being desired, it is being envied.

  23. bakerina says:

    Now, now, not all of the Fat Jealous Losers of Regretsy (one of whom is me) were shameless enough to offer to jump your bones on your wedding anniversary. At least one of us was shameless enough to beg you for a job on your wedding anniversary. Just gainful employment. AND NOTHING ELSE, I SWEAR.

    Seriously, though, that was a beautiful, beautiful letter you wrote. It's what I will now show to people who ask me why I went to law school. Thank you for fighting the good fight. Happy anniversary to you and your excellent wife.

  24. bakerina says:

    Also, the news that 42 people received that letter astonishes me, although considering the source, it really shouldn't. I deeply hope they contact you. I want so much sunlight to be shone on this nastiness.

  25. Cjohn says:

    As a Fed. clerk, I saw my share of weird, pro se lawyer written documents. Even still, there is something particularly weird about how bad that letter was, especially since Schechter apparently went to a decent/accredited school (St. Johns; plus GW for undergrad) and actually practices. 

    Then I saw the picture of his wife (young, pretty), noticed his age (65 or so), and now have a guess as to why the precipitous IQ drop.

  26. nlp says:

    I think the reaction to the letter is because this is what people want lawyers to be. They are looking for someone who will fight for the little guy, who will show anger when appropriate, and who can write a letter that people can read and understand. Also, funny is good, and there are few lawyers who display that trait. Your letter let them know that the lawyers they want to believe in are still out there.

    Also, the vocabulary stunned them.

    PS There is some question, apparently, as to whether Schechter actually wrote the letter, or whether his wife logged onto his email account and sent it herself.

  27. kittyn says:

    I didn't offer anything indecent, but I am a regretsy member. We are very likely to 'retire to our bunks' for well written bits of awesome, and you, Sir, did not provide a well written bit of awesome, you provided three pages of the best lawyer-ly put downs and insults known to man.

    I will extend a happy anniversary and general apology to your wife for the obscene amount of interest this generated, though :)

  28. Dave says:

    This was just the thing to light up my otherwise humorless day. Highly amusing, A++++!

  29. Mike says:

    Happy anniversary Ken.

    You're a fine man. That's what keeps that hot chick married to you.

  30. NonnyMus says:

    It was all in good fun – at least mine was – and I hope your wife got some chuckles out of it all. You have to admit it is a seriously awesome letter. I especially liked the "freakishly unprofessional" bit.

    But 42 people got that crazy threatening letter?!?! That is just wrong.

    On another note, have you received any bedazzled bajingos or one-ear blue elephants at your office yet? You may have yet more explaining to do!

    Happy Anniversary!!

  31. Glad to see you are continuing the fight to bring "bumptious" back into common usage!

    Happy Anniversary!

  32. Rliyen says:

    Congratulations on your wedding anniversary. I celebrated my 9th on the 23rd. Too true about the hot girl/goofy guy phenomenon.

  33. Rliyen says:

    Also, that C&D response letter? A thing of beauty. It was the legal equivalent of the Hyaku Retsu Ken from Fist of the North Star.

    "Mudada yo. Omae wamo shinde iru."

  34. Tinkerjenn @ Regretsy says:

    You made us all quiveringly happy! I hope your wife got a case of the giggles like we did!

    By the way, your use of the English language is, well, hot.

  35. Laura K says:

    Happy Anniversary, Ken! Your blog is wonderful.

  36. Matthew Cline says:

    From your response:

    does not specify even a single false statement of fact you accuse your our clients of making

    Well, after having read the original letter, it seems they did specify the claim that their products aren't handmade is false. Or at least the letter claims that your client made that claim.

    From the C&D letter:

    fools but the burden of proof is on the person making the comment each of which may be sued individually requiring separate counsel or at our election in such group as we decide.

    Can a lawyer be sanctioned for lying about the law like that?

  37. b says:

    This raises a question about the marketplace of ideas. If the Regretsy folks are willing to lavish this sort of adulation on Ken, might they woo him away from his Popehattery?
    Must we compete in kind, bid for his attention? I admit I have yet to offer any blogger on this excellent site any form of carnal knowledge, just the occasional heartfelt kudos. (And pointing many of my friends to Popehat, of course.)

  38. Scott Jacobs says:

    Must we compete in kind, bid for his attention?

    Not it.

  39. Patrick says:

    It's all just wordplay.

    The ladies at Etsy would be horrified if they saw (and smelled) Ken's urostomy bag. Not to mention the prominent facial birthmark. And don't get me started on the residual tail that requires him to wear XXXL pants.

    At least, I know I was horrified when I met Ken, and I'd been warned.

  40. Al V says:

    Nicely done.

    I thought I would never hear the term "lawyer groupies" but there it is.

    Way to go all "Equalizer-ish"

  41. Mizu says:

    Not sure I'd say I was aroused, but I was thoroughly entertained by your letter.

  42. GeekChick says:

    Ken's letter was 'teh awesome", but I still reserve my internet fan gurl lust for Clark.

  43. NoTouchy says:

    First, Happy Anniversary!
    Second, your letter is a beautiful piece of art.
    Seriously. I hope one of my fellow FJLs will make a suitably bedazzled frame to display it for all to worship.
    Third, thank you for being awesome!

  44. marybean says:

    About to start 2L finals. I had the amazing opportunity to work in an IP clinic with EFF on their chilling effects project and work with the amazing Susan Freiwald (though EFF turned me down for an internship :() . Your work here led me to your blog. Your work also made the daunting task ahead of me for the next two weeks seem less fruitless. Thank you! My five minutes of me time per day is up. Couldn't have spent it better!

  45. Chris says:

    I wish there were a traffic complaint version of the Pro Bono First Amendment (un)caped hero. If I do something wrong in traffic, and I'm seen by a cop, I pay, and move on. If I have not, I go to court and argue my case. I cannot afford a lawyer, and the State of Arizona has found a way, to somehow circumvent the Constitutional requirement to provide one for me. And, it seems, all of the legal assistance available answers the same way, "Traffic? No, we can't help you".
    So, it's Pro Se for me. And I can argue well. I've seen enough lawyers work to know how to comport myself, but when it comes down to a cops word against yours, Judges just have a prejudice that they cannot seem to overcome. And Appellate Judges seem to be overwhelmed, or under-qualified, as I cannot get one to adequately read my memorandum for content, or apply the statutes.
    It is similar to the threat of a SLAPP suit in that it's the threat of all of the mind-numbing paperwork and time consuming standing at windows in addition to your regular life, the stress, and the sheer ineptitude of the clerks that inhabit the Courts, at least here in Tucson.
    At last count, I am approaching forty-six hours and three hundred dollars for tuning right at a 'No Left Turn' sign, and subsequently making a safe and legal (according to the lower court judge) U-turn at an intersection un-marked with a 'No U-Turn' sign.
    The judgment of the appellate court was such a mis-reading of not only my testimony in the lower court, but also my memorandum, and if it weren't tragic, would make a great comedy routine.
    I just wanted to say that this kind of injustice is happening every day, dozens of times a day in this jurisdiction, and probably uncountable times across the country.
    I am very happy that you have taken your portion of the turf on which Justice stands and defended it.
    When we do finally take the Bard's advice, I'll couch for you.

  46. Turk says:

    It isn't always easy finding just the right language to tell another lawyer to go shit in a hat and pull it down over his ears, but you seemed to have nailed it.

    Good luck with the female feeding frenzy…which might have been nice 16 years ago.

  47. Dan Weber says:


  48. louise says:

    I bet KH, aka the hot girl bride, spent her anniversary holding her sides in laughter, reading those entries. You are nothing if not an entertaining husband.

  49. Jag says:

    Holy crap, those comments…i'm speechless….

    Ken's like a balding, middle aged Bieber.

  50. SarahW says:

    By the time I got to "bumptious" I did have the vapors. My that was remarkably well done.

  51. David says:

    Ken, if you hadn't already disclosed your Sekrit Identity, we'd know it now, because the only major difference between that entirely cogent, 100% legally-grounded letter and a Popehat column is an overt invitation to taint-snorting. And that's why you're ten times the writer I'll ever be.

  52. Joe says:

    When I saw the "Govern yourself accordingly." at the bottom of Schechter's letter it brought back shades of Marc Stephens and I knew we were in for witnessing a good fisking of the first order.

  53. AlphaCentauri says:

    Any chance they'll write a guest column on "The Road to Regretsy" after that blog and its comments?

  54. Then again, if you buy the Roissy/Citizen Renegade argument about female preselection, having it known that lots of women want to jump you may be a good thing from your wife's perspective, albeit probably not on a conscious level. As you don't, you know, act on this (new-found?) option.

  55. Felicia Herman says:

    Actually, I think your wife is a lucky woman – it can be a lot of fun going along for the ride with a brilliant, principled person.

    Mazel tov on 15 years together.

  56. Loved the letter you wrote back to the Schneckters, Shisters. Whatever their last name was.

    I am not one who propositioned you. I'm happily married. But I do appreciate you taking a stand for the little guys just commenting on a store (hardly illegal. LOL)

    Happy Anniversary!! I hope you got your wife a nice present and went somewhere to enjoy time away from all the buffoons on the internet and off. :)

  57. Michael says:

    Ken, you are an American hero once again. We're all proud to be your readers for this.

    I was under the impression that online comments could be considered slander and not libel, as libel was defined as written in a world where written words had to go through a publishing process, where internet posts can be off the cuff, and thus closer to slander. Is there a precedent here?

  58. Lara says:

    Ken, I came across your masterpiece on Regretsy, and while I will not join the panties-flinging mob, I would like to get involved in the pro bono effort. I'm a patent attorney with my own practice, and I've responded to a few frivolous C&D letters myself; I'd love to donate my efforts to your noble cause. Please let me know how I can do that.

  59. Ken says:

    Thanks, Lara. Shoot me an email any time at ken at popehat dot com and I'll put you on the list of potential pro bono troops.

  1. April 26, 2012

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