You Forgot To Put A Cherry On Top

I wish I knew the lawyer who turned these headlines:

RACY PHOTO FOUND IN LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK

RACY YEARBOOK PHOTO BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION, OTHER PARENTS SAY

$100 HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK TAINTED WITH 'PORN' PHOTO, PARENTS SAY

DISTRICT SAYS STUDENT BARING GENITALS IN YEARBOOK WAS 'ACCIDENTAL' OR 'ILLUSION'

SCHOOL SYSTEM ISSUES SECOND RESPONSE TO YEARBOOK PHOTO CONTROVERSY

into the most abject and humiliating retraction I've ever read. I'd shake his hand. I'd buy him a beer.

Perhaps the ex-reporter at Charlotte, North Carolina's WSOC who is responsible for the stories and retraction could use a beer too.

We write a lot about abusive defamation suits, so it's worth remembering that They Also Serve who file these claims.

Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White

Comments

  1. Chris Berez says

    So… wait. I don't get it. Did they file all these reports and not even bother to look at the photo in question? Seriously? One mentally unstable parent freaks out over some delusion and they just run with it?

  2. says

    I don't know what happened specifically, because the stories are gone.

    All I know, based on the terms of that retraction, is that WSOC was facing firepower of such magnitude that Admiral Ackbar couldn't repel it.

  3. says

    And Hal wins the thread.

    Normally I find news-site comment threads to be the most virulent form of stupid on the internet, but I was disappointed to find none beneath that all-caps retraction/apology.

  4. says

    The picture itself can be found via Google. I went looking, feeling I needed that to complete the story. The retracted headlines paint a much racier picture than reality, but the picture still made me say, "Da hell?"

  5. Hiccup says

    "THAT THE YOUNG LADY THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING THIS LASTING IMPRESSION VAGINA FIRST…"

    I'm reading this as either she is going to start the movement by first showing her vagina, or that she considered taking her vagina on the road to do a bad Al Pacino in "Scent of a Woman" act.

    I know it's the first one.

    All I can picture now is someone on stage, sitting crosslegged on a stool. The lights come on and the legs come uncrossed, and from between them comes "Hoo-ah!"

  6. a_random_guy says

    Here is a link, as long as it is live. Cut out of context, so it's hard to evaluate. If anything, it looks like the gown is badly designed and gaped open. She is holding a magazine. It doesn't look like an intentional pose, and the resolution is so poor that you really can't tell what underclothes she might be wearing.

    In short: much ado about nothing.

  7. AlphaCentauri says

    I'm looking at the size of her shoulders and the apparent length and girth of her thigh — we can't be seeing up as far as we seem to be seeing.

  8. John Pomeroy says

    But this story is nowhere near as interesting as one below it: "Shelby woman castrates man with bare hands, police say" Her BARE HANDS. I can't even imagine it.

  9. Sass says

    I agree with AlphaCentauri.

    Whether it is or isn't, though, it's time to return skirt lengths to something lower than crotch length. A little mystery is a good thing.

  10. AlphaCentauri says

    Sass, yeah short skirts/low cut waistlines + thong underwear is just too much information.

  11. GeekChick says

    Ah reminds me of:

    Archie: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.