Happy Halo 4 Release Day!
Or "Election Day" if you're a square.
In any case, sounds like as good a day as any to drink, right? I mean, it's been a long long LONG few years, but now it's finally over. We can finally
don the green armor and shoot some aliens. threaten to move to Canada. whine and moan about the direction the country is heading. But regardless of who wins, let's just all be glad of one thing: At least John Edwards never got into the White House. Holy SHIT that was a close one.
In any case, drinking. <Political Theme> Drinking Games are passe now unfortunately. After the infamous VP Debate of 2007, when Sarah Palin drove 1/3 of the country into alcoholic comas, it's been mutually agreed that we can never ever do one ever again. So instead, here are some guidelines on how/what to drink on this great day.
If you voted for Romney
Your drink is Bud Light. You actually hate Bud Light. In fact, you (rightfully) think it tastes like lukewarm monkey piss. But you gotta choke that awful shit down at some fuckin' shitty ass dive bar, while some bearded asshole next to you spills HIS Bud Light over your $500 Italian wingtips while he yells some bullshit about the Bill of Rights or something. And someone has to talk to you about NASCAR or some sort of sport-ball team or whatever the fuck. Look, just make it through the day. You got a November 7th reservation at that bomb-ass steakhouse (just don't order the kobe); they'll serve a proper IPA. MMMM, nice and hoppy, perfect for a shitty November evening.
- 2 Alka Seltzer
- Comfortable Pillow
- Prescription Painkillers
Take Alka-Seltzer, mix with water. Throw it away. SLAM the Painkillers, pass out.
If you voted for Obama
Your drink is Stella Atrois. You don't HATE Stella, but you really prefer other beers. You actually don't drink that much at all, but your Data Analyst's study indicates that Stella is about the most hoity-toity beer you can drink without seeming like an elitist. Then you have to slop down some hot wings (that are going give you a "Ring of Fire" in the morning). You'll be doing this with a bunch of overweight construction workers, and you'll be resisting the urge to lecture them on their dietary choices the whole time. And in the meantime, some asshole with a stupid fucking mustache, drinking a PBR for fuck's sake, is busy being all ironic in your god damn ear when all you really want to do is just watch the fucking Bulls game. Look, just make it through the day. You got a November 7th reservation at that seafood place; they'll serve a proper IPA. MMMMMMM, nice and hoppy, perfect for a shitty November evening.
- Bottle of Vodka
You know what to do. And use the straw, you aren't a barbarian.
If you're playing Halo 4
You're drinking Smirnoff Ice. Oh shit brah! It's going to be so killer when you ice your bros after you tap them in the head with the BR. SLAYER FOR LIFE BRO. Note, you'll probably be having a way better time than the above, especially since there will be less of that sexist crap on XBL.
Side note: Let's not be assholes, ladies and gentlemen.
Last 5 posts by Derrick
- Whether in a car or on a horse / We don't mind using excessive force - April 23rd, 2013
- No Shit - March 28th, 2013
- Ask Popehat! - January 7th, 2013
- Popehat Official Post-Election Day Reaction Guide - November 6th, 2012
- Happy Halo 4 Release Day! - November 6th, 2012