This Was Inevitable — So I'm Glad It Was Well-Executed

Re: OFFERED PONY BLOG ARTICLES — POPEHAT
From: [email protected]

Dear KEN ,

I would like to inquire re: your interest in blog post submissions. My associates and I have wide range of experience in many areas. I believe we can offer you web traffic driving articles of interest to your readers, on topics such as PONY , _INSURANCE , and FIRST AMENDMENT OPPONENT. Also of interest may be PONY VICTIM COUNSELING , MENTAL HEALTH , CRAZY FUCKING LAWYER, and BRONY PSYCHOLOGY .

For your convenience and to improve the marketability and sales of your site, we can embed convenient shopping links for blog related items like PONY TACK, PONY HAT , and LIVESTOCK FEED .

Please reply immediately to indicate interest. Tell which article subject you wish most soonest.

Sincerest,

Kolabati Bahkti

Last 5 posts by Ken White

Comments

  1. says

    … and the SEO payoff is almost immediate. Popehat shows up on Page One of google search results for "Kolabati Bahkti" and "crazy fucking lawyer".

  2. Brett Middleton says

    "Kolabati Bahkti" was a central character in F. Paul Wilson's first Repairman Jack novel, The Tomb. She and her brother were the last keepers of the rakoshi (demons from India). When I did a Google on the name, references to Wilson filled the first few pages, though Popehat did manage to sneak in at the bottom of the first page.

    Something tells me somebody is rattling Ken's chain here.

  3. doug says

    i am so excited that I might be able to by livestock feed thru popehat. just think of the extra income.

  4. says

    I was wondering when someone would write a troll submission on ponies!

    Also, Ken, I did use the pony idea when someone wasted my time this weekend. And thank you. You see, I was off in the merry land of selling stuff online, when I got an e-mail: "Hey, I'm interested! Let's meet this weekend! I'll pay cash!"

    Cool. I stay home. Then, "I can't make it today. I'll have someone send you a cheque to cash and return me part of the money… blah blah blah…"

    FUUU. Fine. "Absolutely! But so you know, for non-cash or Paypal transactions, I require a pony fee. The pony must be exponentially more impressive per item removed…"

    Maybe they don't like Arabian breeds?

  5. Ancel De Lambert says

    Teh win, teh utter and complete win. It's over, you're done Ken. The ultimate has been reached, one cannot improve upon perfection. You'll have to find some new bizarre demand to troll with. Maybe cherub dolls…

  6. AlphaCentauri says

    Pony victim counseling does provide a lot of room for creativity. You have to tailor the therapy to the injuries.

  7. tsrblke says

    Beaten to the punch.
    I considered that this would be humorous to troll, but sadly, also thought it was a bit over the top. (Plus with my email addresses being the same across all accounts, Ken might catch on and I'd never be allowed back.)
    Kudos to whoever decided the humor was worth the risk.

  8. LT says

    I bet I could give you Brony Psychology articles at half the price they're offering!

    … except they'd be biased, as I'm a brony. (Hey, girls can be bronies too.)

    Whoever had the balls to troll like this deserves an award. I nearly snorted my coffee up my nose laughing when I read it.

  9. Tali McPike says

    Oh My….
    I want this to be legit, but I know the likely answer is a troll. Either way my day has been made by this.

  10. says

    @Deadly Laigrek:"Hey Ken, can we get both PONY VICTIM COUNSELING and BRONY PSYCHOLOGY?"

    I think it would be a single article, bronies being a subset of pony victims.

  11. mojo says

    I was victimized by a pony as a child.

    No, really! The heartless beast stood on my big toe for at least 30 seconds before I could batter it into movement. I was psychologically traumatized by theis horror, I'm fairly sure. What kind of payout can I expect from the pony bund in compensation for this tragedy?

  12. Deadly Laigrek says

    @mojo – You have my sympathies, my good man. I, too, was traumatized by a pony as a child. It was an ornery old pony and it refused to go any faster than a slow plod, even at the urging of its handlers. Stupid pony.

  13. Deadly Laigrek says

    @Bear – Ahhh, I see, so you're saying that bronies are the quislings of the pony world. Of course, of course, it all makes sense now…

  14. Careless says

    @mojo: when I was 9 I had a horse roll while I was riding it and then get up by stepping on my ankle. That hurt.

    In terms of long-term suffering, I think all the My Little Pony my daughter subjects me to is worse. You people joke about bronies, but they're real, and they're terrifying.

  15. Scott Jacobs says

    This makes me sad. I wanted to reminisce about the comment thread in the post in March. God, that was some epic fisking…

    FISKING, you perverts. I SAID FISKING.

  16. Connie says

    My father's mid-life crisis is to be a horse-rancher. He CLAIMS it's to give me the pony every little girl wants. My response: I'm allergic to horses and you know it.

    That aside, this was hilarious.

  17. Scott Jacobs says

    My response: I'm allergic to horses and you know it.

    Have you considered the possibility that he just doesn't like you very much? :)

  18. Basil Forthrightly says

    Damn. And all this time, I thought the key to pony SEO was embedding the magic phrase "taint-snorting pony" in page comments. I've been schooled.