Spam That Makes Me Cringe — Albert Schweitzer Wants To Pay You For Your Lemon Law Case!

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33 Responses

  1. Ken says:


  2. Mark Lyon says:

    Mr. Spamalot, Esq., seems to have the same bio on his website. Did you take a look at his referrals page? It's even creepier.

    "Our philosophy on referrals – the business of law is driven by either traditional marketing or word of mouth. While we do have an extensive marketing campaign we give referrals an equal weight. In fact we believe referrals are worth more than traditional marketing. This is why we offer 20% fee-splits on almost all referrals.

    "When it comes to areas of law which we do not handle, there are only two choices since every potential client is going to find the attorney they need.
    1. You can reject the client.
    2. You can refer them to our office and earn 20% of what we make on fees.

    "All referrals are tracked meticulously to ensure that the referring attorney gets his/her referral fee. In fact, we have a preliminary referral agreement which you can download by clicking below…

  3. naught_for_naught says:

    When did they outlaw lemons?

  4. Ken says:

    Apparently there was a party.

  5. Jeff W says:

    Would "School Ken Roots Against" happen to employ a very unlikeable individual whose name rhymes with Train Swiffin?

  6. Randy says:

    That is one creepy looking dude. Looks totally respectable.

  7. nlp says:

    I wonder if he knows why so much traffic is showing up on his site.

  8. manybellsdown says:

    It reads like my ex's resume. He is a master of padding. Things like "Investigated theft and fraud cases for *major retail company*" = "was a $10/hr security guard at one store".

  9. Michael K. says:

    Before making a referral it is important to know to whom you are referring to.

    For example, if the person to whom you are referring to is the kind of person who jumps through pretentious grammatical hoops to avoid ending a phrase with a preposition, and then does it anyway.

  10. JDM says:

    Quick comments from someone who was actually accepted to (and graduated from) a medical school.

    I have never heard a pre-med, medical student, or doctor, refer to a tier one medical school. The term simply isn't used in medicine, even when one wants to brag. (I believe the term is used in law, but a former pre-med should know the difference.)

    The Milo Don Appleman award is given to the most outstanding senior _pursuing a career in health science._ Thus Mr. Spamalot either 1) lied to the awards committee about his career aspirations, 2) he's lying now, or 3) Mr. Spamalot figured out he couldn't keep up in medical school so he decided to practice law!

    At any rate, if I need a lawyer, I will look for one whose lies cannot be exposed in 20 seconds on Google.

  11. flip says:

    It's like someone took a resume and a job application cover letter and turned it into spam. Someone hired himself a resume writer, then in what they thought was a 'genius' moment, turned it into comedy gold.

    Spamalot also hosted a popular television series that discussed consumer rights and remedies arising out of automobile dealership fraud, products liability and lemon law.

    And yet still has trouble making money?

  12. Meghan says:

    I like how he "frequents" speaking engagements. He's not invited to speak – he just like to hang out and lecture the public.

  13. G Thompson says:

    Oh Lordy, the legal spam you lot get in the States is amazing :)

    Though being a cynical type I thought I'd do a bit of sleuthing and couldn't be less surprised after checking out the WhoIs ownership on wisecarshopper[dot]com . Seems like this guys a busy little camper who just loves cars and anything that goes broom broom spammy spam broom

  14. G Thompson says:

    And lets not forget who owns NexusLab which also runs Nexusguide the "bestest place for lawyers to market themselves" *eyeroll* (well if it worked and wasn't full of spam itself LOL)

  15. Seth says:

    Before making a referral it is important to know to whom you are referring to.

    Wow. Please tell me you added this sentence as a joke.

  16. Oomph says:

    When life gives you lemons, DEMAND 20% REFERRAL FEE.

  17. GDad says:

    I'm not sure whether I should be feeling this tingly feeling about this post.

  18. Deadly Laigrek says:

    Why, oh why, would anyone who's as smart as he says he is put a bio of themselves in a business email? I'm honestly shocked that he didn't put anything in about how he was a super genius at age 8.

    Hey, so did you all know that I was on the brink of finding the cure for stupid at age 3? The science community didn't like that, so they paid me $100 bazillion just to keep quiet on the matter.

  19. Ygolonac says:

    I could save this dude so much bandwidth and dead electrons:

    "Hi! I'm Spamalot, an attorney specialising in lemon-law cases. Refer any such clients to me, and I'll kick back 20% of the take.


  20. John Ammon says:

    "TOODLES!" is a nice touch.

  21. Dan says:

    Spam ridicule is just one of the reasons I come back here so often. Why do they make it so easy on Ken? This is the kind of guy who sends the court and his peers a memo demanding to be called "Doctor" upon completion of his PhD.

    Clearly he's just appealing to the money-grubbing, desperate scumbucket lawyers. Why else talk about the referral a dozen times? It's an image I would prefer our profession shed, but it's not happening when you've got Spamalot out there.

    On the topic of referral fees, I can't imagine taking anything beyond a couple of beers at the bar or a lunch if I referred a huge case to someone. I refer cases to people I think will do a good job because you want the prospective client (or perhaps existing client) to meet a good result, not because you want a 20% kickback. I do, however, refer lunatic inventors or cold caller malpractice lawsuits in-waiting to attorneys I dislike.

  22. Nate says:

    Hoookay, let me knock this guys cancer curing skills down a peg or two.

    First, The Journal of Chemical Education, while an ACS (American Chemical Society) journal and peer-reviewed, it only has an impact factor or 0.571, which means very few people read it and the science is a mixture of okay and good, but not to be construed as novel or innovative in any way, shape, or form. It's perfect for publishing a high school science project.

    Secondly, his "Molecular Therapy Journal of the American Society of Gene Therapy" is just the journal Molecular Therapy not that giant name. Molecular Therapy is a nature journal and has an impact factor of 6.873, which which is a decent impact factor and suggests that the journal publishes good science and is read by people in the field but not as extensively read by other scientists. However, he happens to be a VERY middle author (#9 out of 13). He probably did some of the preliminary experiments and maybe helped out with some of the experiments in the figures, but highly doubtful he did any real work on his own without supervision nor contributed significantly to actual writing (probably a sentence here and there and editing).

    Authors are ordered in terms of contribution, aside from the last author (corresponding author, i.e. the big shot), in whose lab the work was done. Impact factors are determined by novelty, impact, and quality (and to a lesser amount quantity) of the science performed and how widely spread across different disciplines the readership is.

  23. JR says:

    This brings me back to the times I would lurk on 419eater. But probably not as dangerous to the blogger. Still very entertaining and enlightening.

  24. Jack says:

    LOL – Spamalot twitted 3 hours ago: "Looking for SEO and PR Specialists." I guess he finally realized he isn't the best marketeer.

  25. AlphaCentauri says:

    Good luck with that SEO if this is an indication of what he would do if he had carte blanche to control his own image. He has no clue.

    I don't know how lawyers think. But in health fields, you probably wouldn't want to brag about how brilliant and successful you were early in life if you are currently so desperate for work that you're almost paying people to hire you. It makes people wonder what happened to cause your career to implode.

    Undergraduate just gets you into medical school. You don't have to be involved in medical research at that point. You don't have to be capable of curing cancer or AIDS. You just have to show you're capable of doing the level of work required in med school and you have to have references willing to say you're responsible enough to be given that type of trust.

    If someone wants to be a pediatric neurosurgeon, he's years away from having to make that cut. He doesn't have to convince anyone of his ability to be a brain surgeon vs. a dermatologist until he's nearly ready to graduate from medical school.

    Here we've got someone who was aspiring to enter pediatric neurosurgery, a specialty where one can be altruistic, be well-respected, and be very highly compensated. He claims he was bright enough to have entered medical school, and there's no way of knowing if he would have scored a neurosurgical residency at the end of the four years. Yet he instead derailed his plans and went to law school.

    And instead of achieving the brilliant success in his new field that one might expect from such a multi-talented individual — or instead of making some use of his aptitude for medical information — his practice is confined to suing to defend people's right to have their warranties honored. And he can't even do that without fee-splitting, spamming, and apparently soon, SEO manipulation.

    So what could have happened during his undergraduate studies that would cause him to shift his goals from pediatric neurosurgery to something less prestigious or well-compensated, something that doesn't involve access to controlled substances or underage/anesthetised people?

    Maybe nothing. But if I were him, I wouldn't be making people ask that question by mailing that spam. Just sayin'.

  26. Scott C says:

    Ha, were you invited?

  27. Scott C says:

    Woops, didn't do that right, but meant to be in response to Ken's comment re the party.

  28. AlphaCentauri says:

    My bad, it was pediatric cardiothoracic surgery. Also very prestigious and well-compensated.

  29. Anony Mouse says:

    The bio's longer than the actual letter. That alone should have made him stop and rethink things. It's like people on forums with 80-line sig files appended to two-word posts.

  30. AlphaCentauri says:

    Anony Mouse: Those people are usually spammers, too ;)

  31. Belial says:

    We also learn from his website that he holds the previously unknown academic degree of E.S.Q.

  1. February 17, 2013

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