Ken Matherne Tells Techdirt That Law is Law, Consequences Will Never Be The Same

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109 Responses

  1. TexasAndroid says:

    I'll likely never know, and am likely giving myself too much credit, but I have to wonder about the timing, given that I linked to the TechDirt post in the comments of PopeHat's original post yesterday afternoon, and then in the wee AM hours of today this all happens. So I'm left wondering if my link was when led Mr Ken M. to the TechDirt post. As I said, I'll likely never know, but the timing is enough to make me go Hmmm.

  2. Shannon says:

    Did you use the "Dead Yourself" App on that giraffe?

  3. tsrblke says:

    My daughter asked me not to last night. But after you new post — I am coming!

    I just…what?

    Let's go ahead and not worry about the humor in that wonderfully constructed…erg…thing.
    But by his own admission his daughter (who he said in his writings to Ken he was doing this on behalf of) has asked "not to" (which I read as "stop" and/or "do not continue this." And yet he is.
    If find this strange.
    Also I don't have access to my mememaker right now at work, but I claim "Judge Dredd" with "Law is Law" written on it ;).

  4. Shawn says:

    Hopefully TechDirt will sue you guys along side Mr. Matherne. Because if it wasn't for you, they wouldn't have started a conspiracy. How many people have to be libel before you're satisified?!

  5. TexasAndroid says:

    Someone should somehow use both the "Law is Law" quote from KM and the classic "The Law is an ass" quote from Oliver Twist. Not sure myself the best way to synergize the two quotes, so I'll just leave the idea out there for someone else to pick up on.

  6. Bill says:

    One hopes Mr. Matherne's lawyer has a sufficiency of hand puppets laying around to illustrate just why it would not be a good idea to bring out the lawhammer, at a level Mr. Matherne can understand.

  7. John Ammon says:

    Bwahahaha, Awesomesauce. Let the snorting of taints commence!

  8. Blah says:

    I'm genuinely appalled by his utter inability to complete a single reasonable sentence in what is presumably his native tongue.

  9. Joe Schmoe says:

    (e) he is prepared to dp me

    That's not something that he can do by his self

  10. I am trying to work out how to work Patti LaBelle into "You are Libel!!!"

  11. Caudex says:

    That. Giraffe. It is horrible. I have wandered the internet wastes for many a year. I have delved 4Chan. I have braved TheMacUser, ChurchofFudge, LemonParty, and many more. But that giraffe. It will haunt me. Until my dying day.

  12. Will Albenzi says:

    I have a feeling that this is sadder than we realize. I suspect that there is some sort of traumatic brain injury or dementia at play. He is no longer an officer, but is a figurehead, "president of the advisory board". I imagine his loving daughter trying to prevent him from embarrassing himself and him creeping out to the computer in the dead of night and sending those messages…

    I would just like to ask that we first be sure that, as a community, we make sure that we are not spending time mocking a disabled person.

  13. Lizard says:

    I dunno. There's a part of me, the part that's been online since 1989, that does pattern recognition in a way I cannot consciously describe (much like porn, "I know it when I see it."), that says these letters are trolling of the highest order. I wish I could articulate the exact things that are setting off my little "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!" warning buzzers, but these sorts of things, by definition, don't have flowcharts.

  14. Pete says:

    @Shannon – Yes, used the Dead Yourself app.

  15. En Passant says:

    Blah wrote Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm:

    … in what is presumably his native tongue.
    Rebuttable presumption.

    Bienvenue en Louisiane.

  16. Lizard says:

    @JoeSchmoe: (Does not contain porn. *Does* contain Joe Haldeman singing.)

  17. En Passant says:

    Er, HTML is obviously not my native tongue, so:

    Blah wrote Mar 6, 2013 @1:50 pm:

    … in what is presumably his native tongue.

    Rebuttable presumption.

    Bienvenue en Louisiane.

  18. Bear says:

    Given the source material, I went for surreal.

    And giraffes.

  19. naught_for_naught says:

    My humble submission:

  20. Joe G says:

    I've always been a fan of "cats with glowing eyes."

  21. Ken says:


    To investigate that, I tracked down the attorney who represented the Global Wildlife Center in the 2010 defamation suit, and left a message inquiring whether he still represents them. Once I speak with him, I anticipate inquiring whether or not Mr. Matherne is authorized to make legal threats on behalf of the Center, since it is unclear to me from Mr. Matherne's correspondence whether he is purporting to do so or not. Perhaps that will shed some light.

  22. naught_for_naught says:

    >Leigh Beadon

    You're going to hell…laughing, but you're going to hell.

  23. mojo says:

    Zombie Giraffe? Oh, great another CAUSE OF ACTION!

  24. urbantravels says:

    Not quoted here, but included in the email he sent that is posted on Techdirt: "Gentlemen, I only requested you do the right thing. Now you make the decision. And never use the word that I threaten you. I have been kind and upset, but I would never threaten anyone.

    "I never raised my voice to my wife. I don't care of your back ground – but through investigation and depositions, I will know each and everyone one of you."

    Frankly, at this point I'm worried about both the (ex-) wife and the daughter.

  25. jdh says:

    I look forward to your conversation with the attorney. Much like Will, I'm afraid that this may be a senile dementia issue – or something similar. If so, instead of being funny (and it *is* hilarious) it becomes tragically sad.

  26. Merissa says:

    "We should start to proceed" is my new favorite phrase.

  27. David says:

    i'm going to just set this here and tiptoe away:

  28. Ken says:

    @David: that just caused me to stream Caffeine Free Diet Coke through my nose.

    You will be hearing from my executives.

  29. Tim says:

    Well, I want to play, but I don't want to put much effort into it either… Maybe I can put in a better effort later.

  30. Aaron W says:

    I mean, really, how can you not?

  31. Tim says:

    Okay. I lied, the scumbag that I am.

  32. darius404 says:

    I considered this for inspiration:

    We are going to dp this all legal

    but decided it was best to have standards.

  33. JR says:

    The apparent emotion of these e-mails keeps puling me to that phone conversation from Taken. Oddly, there wasn't much editing to do.

  34. Aaron W says:

    Yeah, last one. Until I read his emails again, at least.

  35. Dan J says:

    I had to have a go at it, Rowdy style!

  36. Tali McPike says:

    I guess I shouldn't have put them all in one post (Ken, et al, will you kindly fish my long list of submissions out of the spam filter)

    And one more:

  37. JustSomeGuy says:

    I have to wonder how long it'll be before someone contacts Nancy Ruiz, since she's listed as their Public Relations person for Global Wildlife Group under their filing, for comment…

  38. Josh C says:

    Humph. Tali is better at this. Time to go crit-fishing.

  39. babaganusz says:

    between David's Business Cat, Tim C's Quixote and Tali's Plotting Raccoon takes, i'm quitting while i'm behind. this shit takes practice of which i am devoid.

  40. Josh C says:

    Latin is a classy language

  41. Josh C says:


    I'm still trying

  42. Tim Cushing says:

    @babaganusz – I think @Leigh Beadon already has this contest nailed down, almost literally.

  43. Collin says:

    Ken's been watching too much Judge Dredd…

  44. goober says:

    Is it just me or is the dp quote just the bees knees?

  45. Collin says:

    @Rhymes With Right: nice one, I didn't look at existing posts XD

  46. That happens, Collin

  47. Merissa says:

    Tim's last one keeps making me giggle uncontrollably IRL. Damn you, 5-Hour Energy.

  48. Tali McPike says:

    I'm surprised no one has used Phoenix Wright yet. Thus, I must remedy this with pretty much the only two quotes I haven't done yet.

  49. Leigh Beadon says:

    Upon seeing the competition, I felt that an improved edition was called for:

  50. Tali McPike says:

    (I did it again, sorry :/ I didn't think 2 links would trigger the spam filter)

    Anyways, here is a alternate version of of my first Phoenix Wright one (once its fished out of the spam filter)

  51. Tali McPike says:

    Leigh: LOVE IT!

  52. Ken says:

    You people are very funny.

  53. Tali McPike says:

    So Ken, who wins?

    No, I'm not at all competitive, why do you ask?

    (although in all honesty I did this just for fun, I honestly don't care about winning)

  54. Tali McPike says:

    @Will Loving the Kanye one!

  55. G Thompson says:

    Damn, too many things to do can't make picture.. Instead sit back and imagine a Ceiling giraffe looking down at a room with a monkey at a computer with the caption.

    "The law is the law is watching you law"

  56. Joe D. says:

    Ok, let's try this again. With one that HASN'T been used yet.

  57. Tali McPike says:

    @Neal LOVE LOVE LOVE the Batman one

  58. Seth says:

    For another good laugh, go to his site:

    Go to "View page source" and scroll down. Someone has hacked his site and inserted payday loan links. They're invisible on the page and are supposed to drive up the Google rank for the linked page.

    I think Techdirt was the first site to notice it.

  59. Merissa says:

    Hmm, I should replace Beyoncé with a scrap metal giraffe statue.

  60. Mister Bile says:

    I hope it's worth getting Oingo-Boingo stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

  61. David says:

    LOVING these. and you're welcome for the free sinus cola-cleansing, Ken.

  62. Marnie says:

    Dis-board maybe a too obvious choice for a win, but I thought I'd try.

  63. Marnie says:

    Oops, posted in the wrong thread. I meant to post this here. A little adventure time for fun.

  64. Dan says:

    Am I too late for the contest?

  65. Dan says:

    From the bad joke department:

  66. tsrblke says:

    Well, I feel bad for this now, because there are obviously so many betters.

  67. Howard says:

    Giving credit where credit is due…

  68. Thomas says:

    I gave it the old college try:

  69. JNevill says:

    This is too much fun. Had to do another… ghostbuster's style:

  70. Trevor says:

    I'm not sure why this quote hasn't been more popular:

  71. Clark says:

    > I will have one of your partners, associates , friends , spouses, in dispositions for the at least the next 6 – 12 months.

    Hell, I've been in a disposition for over 40 years now. It sucks.

  72. Clark says:

    @Will Albenzi:

    I have a feeling that this is sadder than we realize. I suspect that there is some sort of traumatic brain injury or dementia at play. He is no longer an officer, but is a figurehead, "president of the advisory board". I imagine his loving daughter trying to prevent him from embarrassing himself and him creeping out to the computer in the dead of night and sending those messages…

    I would just like to ask that we first be sure that, as a community, we make sure that we are not spending time mocking a disabled person.

    This has been bugging me too.

    I dealt with an old nut like this once, and his son later told me that he'd been going down hill for a while, and his judgement was no longer what it once had been.

    I still feel bad about my internet slap down of that guy.

    I've got three entries above, but I'm going to log into the control panel and moderate them for now.

    I think it's far too likely that this guy is slightly off his rocker, and not in a fun "let's make fun of the bully" way, but in an "oh, shit, maybe we're the bullies" way.

  73. Merissa says:

    @tsrblke: FTW!

  74. Dan says:

    As I've read Mr. Matherne's epistles I started to suspect he was not only insane but possibly both drunk and a non-native English speaker. Then I remembered similar utterances from current events, and I think I've figured it out: Ken Matherne is actually Kim Jung-un. It all suddently makes sense: nonsensical, utterly irrational belligerence in broken English? That's got Kim^3 written all over it!

  75. Chris R. says:

    After discussing the matter with someone tonight I have to agree with the episode devolving into sadness. No matter how many hours he can fly his plane for, or the fact that he seems to truly care about his daughter, he isn't capable of solving his own inner turmoil.

  76. CWuestefeld says:

    My vote is for Mister Bile's Moreau meme. What really does it for me is how subtly he fit the giraffe into the middle of the crowd.

  77. Ok, I'm not very graphically inclined, so flickr commons picture + walking dead app =

  78. Piper says:

    Where's a Kriminal Sopena when you need one???

  79. Amy Alkon says:

    Wish I had time. I need a pony.

  80. Hal says:

    I'm no artist. But a few minutes with gimp…

  81. tsrblke says:

    I'd like to put this image with the "we are going to dp this all legal" but sadly can't find a big enough picture:

  82. AlphaCentauri says:

    Thanks to

  83. Dan says:

    Dammit AlphaCentauri for letting me know that site existed. I'm trying to work today…

  84. AlphaCentauri says:

    @Dan, then definitely don't visit ;)

  85. Nate says:

    Hey, he learnt how to spell 'depositions' since his email conversation with Ken. I think that tells us something, I'm just not entirely sure what (considering the rest is word salad).

    Loving these meme's, think my fave is the team on team one, that's perfect.