Today In The Ministry's Pneumatic Tube

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34 Responses

  1. Alan Bleiweiss says:

    polyestered over-armed fuckwits

    You attorneys sure to have a unique lexicon :-)

  2. Jack says:

    Fantastic allusion.

    ("sternographers" is doubleplusungood, though. correctspelling "stenographers" revise edit note.)

  3. AlphaCentauri says:

    "amoral bootlicking sternographers" might be more accurate from the point of view of the guy getting butt-fucked.

  4. trevalyan says:

    Ken, considering every jackass between here and the 30 rock couldn't identify one concept of 1984 besides Big Brother, I tip my hat to you.

    Of course, real Newspeak wouldn't have "federal law enforcement" because "police" just about covers it and they don't respect divisions of power (like our government), but there is such a thing as being too pedantic.

  5. Josh C says:

    Real newspeak in that setting wouldn't, but we don't live in that setting yet. Newspeak has always been this way.

  6. kps says:

    Sternography is for flaming letters.

  7. VPJ says:


    Forgot to insert that Everett Dutschke is stooge of Emmanuel Goldstein

  8. Jack says:

    @Josh C:
    Newspeak has always been this way.

    I see what you did there.

  9. Ken White says:

    Someone wrote, very concerned, to tell us the website had been hacked, because this post doesn't make any sense.

  10. Dan says:

    Is there a pulitzer for blogs? If so, do they award it for snark?

    My vote is in

  11. Rob says:

    Someone wrote, very concerned, to tell us the website had been hacked, because this post doesn't make any sense.


    made me lol irl.

  12. AlphaCentauri says:

    How weird would a hacker's post have to be for us to be sure Patrick hadn't written it?

  13. En Passant says:

    kps wrote Apr 27, 2013 @9:47 am:

    Sternography is for flaming letters.

    Or prolefeed by minitrue writer after whiskeyrat used up. Common ungood malreport is that versificator is mechanical turk manned by sternographers.

  14. Bill says:


    I got it the 3rd time I read it , and then thought it was pretty brilliant – but the first time through – I was seriously wondering if Ken didn't have another late night with a bag of Doritos (or whatever happened the night the name of Popehat was determined)

  15. MattS says:

    "coke-snorting upjumped typists"

    Coke-snorting is obvious, but WTF is a unjumped typist?

  16. En Passant says:

    MattS wr0te Apr 27, 2013 @12:03 pm:

    Coke-snorting is obvious, but WTF is a unjumped typist?

    Typist didn't attend Youth League early education for typists: No shark left unjumped.

  17. Shawn Young says:

    How can we be happy if we don't believe everything the government tells us?

  18. Matt Smith says:

    Acquire report acquiesce Ken White aka Popehat immediate to Room 101.

  19. eddie says:

    Curtis said it was an eye-opener for him. "I think now, how many people are thrown in jail because of circumstantial evidence and someone can frame you that easily," he said.

    Liberty gains another convert, this time from among the ranks of the professional entertainers. Victory!

  20. Clark says:

    Doubleplusgood bellyfeel. So happy the humor ration has been increased again today; all praise Big Ken! Eternal joycamp for the unamused and other Goldstein-loving humor haters.

  21. Graham says:

    Reporting for the daily two minute hate.

  22. Rob says:

    Someone wrote, very concerned, to tell us the website had been hacked, because this post doesn't make any sense.

    At first glance, it does kind of look like something you'd get in a spam email.

  23. Dave Crisp says:

    … how long have we been at war with Eastasia, again?

  24. jimmythefly says:


    For a minute I thought you were channeling Carcoat Damphands (used-car expert at SniffPetrol).

  25. Is it sad that I read it and first thought, without much surprise, "Gee, some censorious asshat has threatened Ken in a very 1984-ish manner." I mean, I am a little drunk right now; but still…

  26. Jack says:

    Sternography is for flaming letters.

    A+ comment!

  27. David says:

    It's good to see that the legacy of Charlotte Brontë lives on.

  28. Lee says:

    Funny, took a few to figure out why it seemed familiar then just laughed. A hack, sadly, would need far more random capitalization of mainly single syllable words.

  29. Barry says:

    non-suspect better news than no suspect.

  30. Shane says:

    And slowly he rolled up the evidence that the FBI was wrong and was his custom dropped the offending piece of paper into the memory hole.

  31. wgering says:

    polyestered over-armed fuckwits

    Teehee. I'm buying you a coral paperweight for that one.

  32. Bolognesus says:

    "put the 'special' in 'special agent'"

  1. May 1, 2013

    […] arguments are presented as so naive and optimistic and thus terribly dangerous. Remember, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia. Posner, who is not to be confused with – and I was hoping more intelligent than – Eric […]