Easing Back In, With Ponies

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42 Responses

  1. Lizard says:

    What if I only want a 75% fill remnant solution?

  2. Anonymouse says:

    I have to say, Mr. Staubus is quite a looker.

  3. Lizard says:

    Utterly off-topic to this post, and yet, strangely not off-topic. I just discovered that this exists: http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/65022/Laser-Ponies .

    I am not responsible for any nightmares Ken might experience if he follows that link.

  4. Kelly says:

    "Specific Verticals" is becoming the new taint snorting, but only in the juvenequinallian sense of course.

  5. He really said that...?!? says:

    "You magnificent bastard, I read your guest post!"

    Now I have to pull out Patton and watch that again. :)

  6. onehsancare says:

    And, he has 20 connections on Linked In!

  7. Josh C says:

    The comment about verticals means that they are only working in certain fields (compare e.g. "horizontal integration"), and is explaining that they are used to dealing with sites like yours (politics and news, hopefully. I dread what other Road-to-Popehat style unorthodoxies might have led them here).

    Otherwise, this looks much more like sales than spam. The grammar is good, and I only see one obvious sign that he isn't familiar with your website (point "D" in his initial response), which may be a boilerplate error.

    Overall, that rates at least a B+, "Would Be Solicited By Again".

  8. Linda says:

    onehsancare, that's right because all that matters is how many linkedin connections you have… get a life off the internet you loser.

  9. princessartemis says:

    The grammar is only good if one happens to speak the same eldritch tongue from which come 100% fill remnant solutions.

  10. xbradtc says:

    The initial mailing was spam. Sure, his second contact was human generated, but the first mailing was pure processed pork product.

    And I'm not sure if he was just using buzzword bullshit to sell, or dumb enough to jargonize his conversation.

    But I'll tell you this, anyone soliciting my business that opens and email with "Hey, Ken" after such short contact would quickly be dropped.

  11. SouthJerseyBlu says:

    You'll be gratified to know that a google search for "juvenequinallian" turns up two hits, as of this moment. Both point back here. #booyah

  12. Jaze A Ficarra says:

    Ken, I miss you when you have trial.

  13. Piper says:

    Lanista? Sounds like a modern day Lannister…

  14. PhilG says:

    I think I understood most of the dark tongue of the sales but what in pony-heaven's name is a "100% fill remnant solution."

    Haha, as if ponies had a heaven. Still though, if someone could enlighten me that would be lovely.

  15. He really said that...?!? says:

    100% fill remnant solution? I thought that was concrete.

  16. TerryTowels says:

    I'm feeling cranky, and want to pass it on– and for additional teeth grinding, make sure the sound is on.


  17. Justin S says:

    Long-time reader, first-time poster, but I just ran across an article titled "A Great Response to a Cease and Desist Letter," wherein attorney Stephen Kaplitt responds with distinction to a vague legal threat by attorney Richard Trenk, who represents the Township of West Orange, regarding Mr. Kaplitt's client's website.


    Also, welcome back, Ken!

  18. Sigmadog says:

    Welcome back, Ken. It's been a lonely, lonely internet while you were away.

  19. LauraW says:

    @Josh C
    It's a spam email message offering to provide spam blog posts. That's not just spam, it's meta-spam.

    Oh, and welcome back, Ken.

  20. Dave Ruddell says:

    When I hear Lanista, I think of Lentulus Batiatus.

  21. AlphaCentauri says:

    Unsolicited+commercial+email=spam. Doesn't matter how much he paid for the email list or whether it was advertised as "100% Opt-In."

  22. AlphaCentauri says:

    And @Terry Towels — that blue-eyed pony is the antichrist, I think. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it. But what has been seen can't be unseen.

  23. George William Herbert says:

    Did you have to bring Clark's specific verticals in? Now it all smells funny.

  24. Jim Tyre says:

    Who is this Ken person?

  25. Deathpony says:

    What if they were 100% filled with pony remnants?

    Now that's a thought that's going to fester….

  26. david says:

    I soilled my drink. You will all pay. Cry havoc, and let slip the ponies of War!

  27. NB says:

    Welcome back Ken! We missed you! Spammers had been breathing easy.

  28. Brett Middleton says:

    Juvenequinallian? This is just so delicious I think I'm going to try to drop it into conversations with the rest of the animal science faculty here and see if it catches on.

    Personally, I would be most concerned about Austin's offer to put your junk in front of 3,000 people. Even if it's legal, it doesn't sound savory.

  29. manybellsdown says:

    @Brett – I'm pretty sure the ladies or Regretsy would have taken him up on that offer.

  30. manybellsdown says:

    *of Regretsy. No postee before coffee.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I hope Ken was OK a few years back when Slashdot changed it's entire site to an OMG PONIES!!!! theme!!

    And I prefer diagonals to verticals.

    Seriously, though, good to see you back, Ken. I hope your trial went well.

  32. orvis barfley says:


    reading those emails from that guy, i realize that english is no longer my first language.  and i don't have a second to fall back on.

  33. JWH says:

    I think you were a little mean to Mr. Staubus. Although he wrote in business jargon rather than English, his email struck me as no worse than the various sales emails that land in my work account each day.

  34. Shawn Young says:

    There's very likely a discrimination suit here. Specifically, in reference to verticals: most ponies are going to be genetically indisposed to clearing vertical jumps, as opposed to typical show horses with longer legs. At the risk of being exclusionary, surely Popehat should lower its verticals so that decent, hardworking ponies can jump them, or at least see over them. Failure to do so may invite a civil suit the likes of which the world has never seen.

    Govern yourselves accordingly.

  35. JR says:

    Mr. Staubus seems to simply be prospecting. Spam e-mails are never fun, but from the looks of the correspondence, he was simply trying to help. We love you Ken, but the post reads slightly over-the-top.

  36. Trebuchet says:

    Welcome back Ken. Since the line I dropped you is no doubt in spam folder could you please look into unblocking my IP addresses? It's a pain getting Pop what fix on just the phone!

  37. Trebuchet says:

    Damn autocorrect!

    Let's see if that works. It gave me "pop what" a moment ago.

  38. AlphaCentauri says:

    Every spammer is simply "prospecting." And every email requires a little of Ken's time to evaluate before reading or deleting.

    If salesman who wants Ken to patronize his business sent him two emails a week "prospecting," Ken's clients would have a legitimate reason to wonder why they were paying for Ken's time when other people can have it for free.

    The fact that sending spam in large volumes is essentially free to the sender — despite taking up a great deal of time and bandwidth from the recipients — has shifted the balance so far toward intrusive salespeople that unsolicited emails is not acceptable business practice.

  39. wheelsoc says:

    "100% fill remnant" basically means specializing in selling as for ad space or airtime that hasn't been filled yet.

    Remnant advertising is somewhat explained by this small business wiki page which has ironically been hijacked and turned into a promo after all the useful information. I'm mostly linking to that example because the funny was too much to resist. If that's not your thing, there's also a Wikipedia page for remnant advertising.

  40. pjcamp says:

    You guys have inventory?

    I hesitate to ask what it is.

  41. twency says:

    Ok, total buzzkiller here, but Ken seems to be under the misimpression the ponies are simply juvenile horses. AFAIK that ain't right.