They Shoot Ponies, Don't They?

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23 Responses

  1. JonasB says:

    I have a book documenting a man's exchanges with Nigerian scammers. He does something similar to Ken, except its about midgets instead of ponies.

  2. Observer says:

    Really, I would have suggested an AR-10 in .308, rather than just "any caliber of 270 and above with a good TSX round". He's right that it will "get the job done", but one of the criteria was to do it quickly. Most .270 guns are bolt action, with rather limited magazines. An AR-10 is semi-auto and usually uses a 20-round magazine. That significantly increases the speed at which you can deal with the ponies.

    At least he seemed to earnestly be trying to be helpful!

  3. dfbaskwill says:

    I'm hoping this applies to Unicorns also. They seem to be everywhere now. And quite relentless in their destruction of our country. They are a lot like ponies, only worser.

  4. Scott says:

    But… what does this new auction site cost? They were a bit ambiguous on that front.

  5. OrderoftheQuaff says:

    Did you know that in North Bend, Oregon (just north of Coos Bay), the name of the mall is "Pony Village"?

  6. Shane says:

    But, but, but Patrick what if the ponies are wearing disguises? What caliber will possibly be able to penetrate that?

    This could be a serious disaster!

  7. Luke says:

    I particularly like the pony pic that someone sent to Popehat on twitter the other day:

    I'm not sure "any caliber of 270 and above with a good TSX round" would be enough to handle those.

  8. En Passant says:

    OrderoftheQuaff wrote Nov 27, 2013 @8:40 am:

    Did you know that in North Bend, Oregon (just north of Coos Bay), the name of the mall is "Pony Village"?

    That's invaluable intelligence.

    The Popehat Pentagon ™ should scramble a sortie of nuclear delivery vehicles. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural… fluids. God bless you all.

  9. Mike says:

    Patrick's last message sounds threatening. Hope SWAT doesn't show up, although I would not be surprised.

  10. Edward says:

    Lol@ the ponies! If you really want to have fun…just mix One gallon Milk Jugs of tannerite and attach one liter of premium gas taped to the jug. Place attractant specific to the type of Pony hunted (food, crack, cash, Pin Up Girl….etc) near the jug. Shoot Milk Jug with Tracer and Enjoy!….Seriously though…..Tactical Auction is 100% Free to Buy, Sell or Trade!

  11. Mr. Eddin, I'll allow your link, in the comment above, this once. Simply because you took it with a smile.

    Our general policy is not to allow commercial links. We hope you understand.

  12. Edward says:

    Brother I always take life with a smile. Take Care!

  13. Noxx says:

    Horses are pretty big to be considered "medium" game. I'd definitely recommend staying in the thirties. An M1A scout would do an admirable job here, or a Tokarev SVT for the budget minded.

  14. HamOnRye says:

    I am a terribly disappointed in the advice he gave you. While a caliber of .270 is sufficent he fails to mention that shot placement is critical, and the skill of the shooter matters.

    For dangerous big game, such as man eating ponies I would go no less then a 300 Winchester or 7mm, both of Magnum variety.

    Until you are tested in battle with these vicious animals, or have been a night stick auxiliary for the NYPD, going light on firepower could be a fatal mistake!

  15. LearnedHand says:

    You can hunt donkeys in Australia, and they're about the size of a pony. I believe that the .338 RCM is popular for that, but that might have something to do with Australia's gun laws.

    A 12 ga. with slugs would do nicely out to about 100 yds.

  16. SarahW says:

    Meanwhile, prestigious firm specializing in "personal injury" requests your consideration of opportunity for guest-generated educational content with real bite.

  17. melK says:


    > I'm hoping this applies to Unicorns also. … They are a lot like ponies, only worser.

    You don't know the half of it! But the Laundry took care of one of the most recent Unicorn infestations.

  18. Warren Vita says:

    For ponies, I would want something with plenty of stopping power, a decent-sized magazine, and good range – you don't want to be overwhelmed by a charging herd. Try something like an M82 to send a message.

  19. MattD says:

    "Shooting horses is illegal as far as I know. But if you were to do it anyways, here's what you'd want."

  20. Rob says:

    @MattD: shooting horses is legal if it's in self defense. Given the seriousness of the Pony Threat, I think it wise to be prepared, just in case.

  21. AlphaCentauri says:

    Does the legality of shooting ponies vary depending whether they're "migratory" ponies or have taken up permanent residence around your company's retention pond?

  22. Shane says:


    @MattD: shooting horses is legal if it's in self defense.

    But first you must mutter the incantation "They're coming right at us", and then you are free to send the ponies to the dark abyss.

  23. David T says:

    Ken, Ken, Ken! Here's an evil pony that steals passwords! And it got more than 2 million of them.