You Have Questions? The Road To Popehat Has Answers

It's time for the Road to Popehat, the feature in which we examine the search logs, see what inquiries brought you here, and wonder whether literacy wasn't a cosmic mistake.

This week: people have questions!

how to the fucking? You're going to have to take that up with parents or perhaps a medical professional.

how to proceed when you are a too naive victim of a sociopath Run for Senate?

How to write an affidavit about underage drinking Our law enforcement, always looking to improve themselves.

As of May 2014 when are the Bush family going to shut down America and jail & kill their enemies Hold on a sec, I was just reading about this on Salon.

Was mule rape a form of torture The Department of Homeland Security prefers "animal asset assisted enhanced interrogation techniques."

How much jail time can you get for slander? Depends. Is the person you slandered rich or a politician?

What is another word for how to coerce innocent citizens "Criminal justice system"

Can you get an animal search warrant with an anonymous tip? Wait. Do you mean a warrant to search an animal, or a warrant to use an animal to search? These days, probably both.

Last 5 posts by Ken White

Comments

  1. says

    Some days I wonder if people are deliberately searching for bizarre things to show up in your search logs, then remember that this is the internet. It is truly amazing that such powerful technology is available to so many…unique…individuals.

  2. Paranoid Android says

    Do you mean a warrant to search an animal, or a warrant to use an animal to search?
    You've got it all wrong. The warrant is to allow one animal to search another. If the second animal resists, then the resulting cockfight is legally sanctioned.

  3. Joe Pullen says

    This Easter I am thankful the number of individuals looking for "badger launchers" to aim at my face is zero.

  4. MikeK says

    Not related to the post, but I just saw this great cartoon at XKCD about free speech:

    http://xkcd.com/1357/

    If you hover your mouse over the comic, it shows the comment "I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express"

  5. flip says

    Was mule rape a form of torture The Department of Homeland Security prefers "animal asset assisted enhanced interrogation techniques."

    Brilliant!

  6. Anon Y. Mous says

    Can you get an animal search warrant with an anonymous tip?
    Do you mean a warrant to search an animal, or a warrant to use an animal to search?

    There's this suspicious animal that I need to search with my anonymous tip.

  7. Allen says

    Can you get an animal search warrant with an anonymous tip?

    That depends. I would first hire a vet, vetted of course by a judge, to see if the animal is experienced enough to testify to the nature of the alleged crime. Three hoof taps is usually sufficient for a horse, and two shakes by a dog is considered sound. Obviously, any bleating by sheep is proof enough.

    If there is a Push Me Pull You available, go for the death penalty.

  8. En Passant says

    Affidavits about underage drinking should always state that an accordion was involved to the best of your knowledge and belief based on your training and experience. Cases of mule rape will usually require an animal search warrant.

    This anonymous tip is the most compelling thing I can say that's not literally illegal to express.

  9. Pez says

    You've got it all wrong. The warrant is to allow one animal to search another. If the second animal resists, then the resulting cockfight is legally sanctioned.

    Do you mean that both of the animals are chickens or…?

  10. FeelingFantastic says

    the query "Why is everyone typing questions in google search?" is what brought me to Popehat.

  11. Rob says

    how to proceed when you are a too naive victim of a sociopath
    Run for Senate?

    No no no no no. They said they were a victim of a sociopath, not that they were a sociopath themselves.