Thank God for cultural conservatives, without whom the increasingly perverse and deadly machinations of the Gay-Industrial Complex with their malign Gay Agenda might escape my notice. What do the gays have on tap this month? Well, apparently no longer content to indoctrinate our kids into buttsex, encourage polygamy, and importune innocent box turtles everywhere, now they want us all to suffer debilitating electrical shocks, courtesy of doin' the nasty with merciless robots.
How do I know? It's courtesy of thoughtful conservative David Gibbs III, who is three times as conservative as any other David Gibbs. He's a special kind of conservative, who can see how conservative ideals permit the federal government to pass laws to intervene in state cases if awful black-robed tyrants might let someone in a persistent vegetative state be taken off life support or something on the pretext of "the rule of law" or any of that liberal rubbish. Anyway, in this instance Gibbs is warning you that gay marriage will lead to inappropriate robotic sexxorz incursions into the fragile American family:
David Gibbs III, a lawyer who in 2005 fought to keep brain-damaged Terri Schiavo on life support, told rally participants gay marriage would “open the door to unusual marriage in North Carolina. “Why not polygamy, or three or four spouses?” Gibbs asked. “Maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots.”
Or, worse yet, even marry their robot pet.
Now, if you hear a note of hysteria creeping into Trey-Gibbs' voice, you aren't alone. He and his friends are losing mainstream America to the seductive tolerance-and-freedom propaganda of the dread Gay Agenda. Where, oh where, can good cultural conservatives go to be heard? Where can there voices ring out against the Gay Menace and find a reliably friendly audience?
Thank God for Uganda!
Uganda, that cultural garden spot, where a board member of Exodus International — a pray-the-gay-away organization beloved of certain churches and cultural conservative organizations — can finally participate in a conference where they bring the truth about gay responsibility for the Holocaust and Rwandan genocide and advocate laws requiring government-mandated forcible "therapy" for gays. Now normally you might worry that the steadfast culturally conservative message might be obscured by the minor diplomatic detail of the conference involving a Holocaust-revisionist lunatic like Scott Lively. Thankfully, since Exodus International's Don Schmierer is willing to lend his organization's prominence and credibility to the event, that detail can be overcome. Perhaps just as Exodus International can reform gays, it can reform and rehabilitate Lively in the public's eyes, empowering him to go on to reveal the Gay Agenda's historical responsibility for other tragedies like the Lindberg kidnapping, static cling, and the so-called "moon landing." And after that, who knows who else they may be able to rehabilitate? Jonah Goldberg should definitely give them a call.
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