Nixon had his CREEP and enemies lists and dirty tricks and ratfucking. Clinton had his string of assassinations of political enemies, conducted so covertly and skillfully that they could only be uncovered by people who make a living by selling VHS tapes through the mail. Bush had Gitmo.
But that's just not how Obama rolls. If you fuck with him, you may find him thwarting your run for state office by propping up an ex-NFL player to run against you and then torpedoing your campaign by hiring guerrilla artists to circulate oil paintings of you giving birth to a pancake. Or possibly a placenta; its hard to tell whether that's a pat of butter or some sort of afterbirth.
Exihibit A, says Taitz, is a series of paintings of her by Dan Lacey, the so-called “pancake painter,” who achieved minor celebrity during the 2008 presidential race for his numerous depictions of a naked, muscular Obama perched atop a unicorn. He’s also painted Sarah Palin, John McCain and Mother Theresa, among other famous figures, with a pile of pancakes atop their heads.
But Taitz doesn't feel flattered to be in such company. She maintains that the painting titled Orly Taitz, Pancake Birther actually portrays her holding a placenta rather than a pancake. "This is really despicable,” she says, theorizing that one of her many political enemies put Lacey up to the work.
Which enemies are those? Why, it's the CIA, using the Goldfish Fanciers to attack the Orbital Mind-Control Lasers to control. Wait, I mean it's Obama and his supporters, who want to prevent her from winning the election for California Secretary of State and thus demanding that Obama produce his birth certificate and reveal the NSA's secret tinfoil hat technology.
Dammit. It's impossible to satirize this woman. I feel so powerless.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- Gawker, Money, Speech, And Justice - August 18th, 2016
- Lawsplainer: No, Donald Trump's "Second Amendment" Comment Isn't Criminal - August 9th, 2016
- Why Openness About Mental Illness is Worth The Effort And Discomfort - August 9th, 2016
- A Rare Federal Indictment For Online Threats Against Game Industry - July 28th, 2016
- John Hinckley, Jr. and the Rule of Law - July 27th, 2016