Nixon had his CREEP and enemies lists and dirty tricks and ratfucking. Clinton had his string of assassinations of political enemies, conducted so covertly and skillfully that they could only be uncovered by people who make a living by selling VHS tapes through the mail. Bush had Gitmo.
But that's just not how Obama rolls. If you fuck with him, you may find him thwarting your run for state office by propping up an ex-NFL player to run against you and then torpedoing your campaign by hiring guerrilla artists to circulate oil paintings of you giving birth to a pancake. Or possibly a placenta; its hard to tell whether that's a pat of butter or some sort of afterbirth.
Exihibit A, says Taitz, is a series of paintings of her by Dan Lacey, the so-called “pancake painter,” who achieved minor celebrity during the 2008 presidential race for his numerous depictions of a naked, muscular Obama perched atop a unicorn. He’s also painted Sarah Palin, John McCain and Mother Theresa, among other famous figures, with a pile of pancakes atop their heads.
But Taitz doesn't feel flattered to be in such company. She maintains that the painting titled Orly Taitz, Pancake Birther actually portrays her holding a placenta rather than a pancake. "This is really despicable,” she says, theorizing that one of her many political enemies put Lacey up to the work.
Which enemies are those? Why, it's the CIA, using the Goldfish Fanciers to attack the Orbital Mind-Control Lasers to control. Wait, I mean it's Obama and his supporters, who want to prevent her from winning the election for California Secretary of State and thus demanding that Obama produce his birth certificate and reveal the NSA's secret tinfoil hat technology.
Dammit. It's impossible to satirize this woman. I feel so powerless.
Last 5 posts by Ken White
- In Space, No One Can Hear You Threaten Lawsuits - October 4th, 2015
- Down With Peeple - October 1st, 2015
- Ninth Circuit Imposes (Some) Limits On Cops Yanking Things Out of Your Ass - September 30th, 2015
- Arthur Chu Would Like To Make Lawyers Richer and You Quieter and Poorer - September 29th, 2015
- In Roca Labs Case, FTC Takes Novel Stand Against Non-Disparagement Clauses - September 29th, 2015