I Indeed Baptize You With Water; But Dr. Kevin Pezzi Cometh, The Latchet Of Whose Shoes I Am Not Worthy To Unloose: He Shall Baptize You With Penis Enlargement Pills And A Cranberry Freshness Sorting Machine.

Just when you thought that the internet couldn't get any more entertaining, it coughs up the likes of Doctor Kevin Pezzi.

Dr. Kevin Pezzi, part-time ninja, full-time sex god

Dr. Pezzi, who writes about science for Andrew Breitbart's Big Government website:

  • Achieved the highest IQ test score ever recorded;
  • Developed a cure for cancer, only to have it suppressed by Big Pharma (no relation to Big Government);
  • Aced final exams in college, by mistake;
  • Knows the secret to giving her perfect female pleasure, every time; and
  • Fights a neverending, one-man war against the threat of "poisonous Chinks".

But that's just the tip of the iceberg.  I agree with E. D. Kain: Dr. Pezzi's is the most most inspiring story you'll read all day.

Although he languishes in obscurity now, that's bound to change.  I daresay that Kevin Pezzi will soon take his rightful place among the internet's highest stars, right up there with Cleve Blakemore and even Dr. Gene Ray.

Last 5 posts by Patrick Non-White


  1. Patrick says

    For those who play Twitter, my co-blogger Ken has begun a Chuck Norris style game under the hashtag #drpezzifacts.

    Of course Dr. Kevin Pezzi could roundhouse kick Chuck Norris into next year.

  2. Patrick says

    Oh, by the way:

    Back in the 1970s I thought of a way to make an airplane transparent to radar and I contributed this idea to the government's Stealth aircraft project. However, they didn't use my technique, which enabled solid objects to be literally transparent to radar.

    Not to mention his invention of the "Wasp Wacker" and "Super Beaver Bandsaw".

  3. Imaginary Lawyer says

    Knows the secret to giving her perfect female pleasure, every time;

    So THAT's where Remo Williams learned it!

  4. says

    As it does so often while reading the intertubes, my hearty and uproarious laughter trails off to a nervous chuckle as I contemplate the idea that this guy might be writing in all seriousness, and is still allowed to roam in public without a minder.

  5. says

    "A producer who won an Emmy for a blockbuster film contacted me because he is interested in turning one of my books into a movie or TV series". That's awesome. Even I know why that's stupid.