Dear Iowa Democrat, have I got a proposition for you:
As you probably know, Ron Paul is currently leading the polls for the Republican caucus in your fair state. Now we at Popehat are not especial fans of Ron Paul. We've written more about the many flaws of Paul more than those of any other politician. But I at least am compelled to criticize Paul because he's about as close to what I want from an elected representative as anything I'm likely to get in this life: consistently against government, and consistently for individual freedom. I'm compelled to criticize Paul because I think he can do better.
In the next two weeks, the Republican establishment is going to join the fuckers at Wonkette, and for that matter Rush Limbaugh and NPR, in portraying Paul as some weird hybrid of Klansman and Trotskyite, for the ostensible reason that he said something pretty awful twenty years ago (but nothing worse than I've said in private conversation myself).
Did I mention that one of the things I like about Ron Paul is that he says awful things? That and the blimp.
But the awful (and it was awful, and Paul should be ashamed and address it rather than pulling off the mike) thing Paul said isn't nearly as awful as what well-spoken politicians, who'd never say awful things, do to this country every day behind closed doors: selling out the middle class to Goldman Sachs, General Electric, the Service Employees International Union, and the prison-industrial complex.
It's also awful, I'll add, to say that the Emperor has no clothes, or that there is a man behind that curtain, and that we should pay attention to him.
So anyway, you're a Democrat. I was once a Democrat, but I've gotten over it. Now I'm an Independent, because I can't register as a Libertarian in North Carolina. You love your government, and I fear it.
But I can vote in an election that matters to you.
Here's the deal: If you'll re-register as a Republican next week, and vote for Ron Paul in the Iowa caucus, I promise that I'll drag my ass out of the office on May 8, and vote against North Carolina's proposed constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. The Republican race will be decided by then, and I'll have no other reason to vote unless I care who wins the non-partisan primary for my county's Water and Sewer Commissioner. I promise that I'll schedule no trials, depositions, or other work that would prevent me from voting against that amendment on May 8, if you'll brave the cold and vote for Paul at the Iowa caucus.
Mind you, North Carolina is a weird state. We're the only southern state that hasn't amended its constitution on same sex marriage yet, we were the last southern state to sign on to the federal constitution, and we had more deaths on both sides of the Civil War than any other southern state. We're weird, we're independent, and my vote may count.
You probably imagine Paul as your dream Republican candidate, the candidate Obama's most likely to beat so he can continue ruining this country for another four years anyway…
So you have nothing to lose.