Evan has viewed our pets with benign neglect; the girls give them all the attention. Recently, for the first time, he showed his first interest in getting a pet: a bearded dragon, which is basically a lizard with pretensions, a lizard that is currently working as a lizard but ultimately wants to direct.
Yesterday we picked up the bearded dragon, which we purchased off Craigslist. Normally you'd think that the only people searching "bearded dragon" on Craigslist are closeted Republican state senators, but actually no.
Anyway, we also picked up worms and crickets for the bearded dragon to it. It turns out that Evan — who has barely brought himself to touch Rex the bearded dragon — is afraid of the crickets.
This will make it easier to respond to his ridicule of my longstanding reptile phobia.
This conversation resulted:
Me: Just do it. Just march in there and pick out a cricket and give it to Rex.
Evan: No. I DON'T LIKE CRICKETS.
Me: It's a bug. It won't hurt you.
Evan: You don't know that.
Me: Are you afraid of the crickets? The little crickets in a jar?
Evan: Yes. Yes. I HATE CRICKETS.
Me: That explains why Pincochio was such a traumatic experience for you.
Me: Pinocchio . . . Pinocchio. You know. With Jimminy Cricket.
Evan: [Utterly unconvincingly] Oh . . . oh yeah. Him. Right.
Me: You have no idea who I am talking about.
Evan: Sure I do! Pino. . . somebody. And the cricket.
Me: I'm a failure as a parent.
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