Spam That Makes Me Cringe — Albert Schweitzer Wants To Pay You For Your Lemon Law Case!

I have just received what I think is the most cringeworthy lawyer-spam I have heretofore received.

The spammer wants me, as near as I can figure, to refer auto dealer fraud and Lemon Law cases to him in exchange for a 20% referral fee. I don't have any auto dealer fraud or Lemon Law cases to refer, and if I did, I would never in eleventy billion years refer them to someone who spammed me or offered me a referral fee. I've never taken a refer fee and I don't plan to start now. I've never done business with a spammer and don't plan to start now.

What elevates this spam into the Realm of Cringe is the delta between the spammer's extraordinary self-regard and the fact that he's spamming law firms offering to pay for referrals of Lemon Law cases. The guy sends a footnoted biography in his email, and was apparently poised to cure cancer, and is a brilliant lawyer, but spams strangers offering $500-to-$10,000-case-referral-fees as a business.

Full email below the fold. Don't miss the level of self-regard in the bio. I've semi-anonymized it out of an arguably misplaced sense of mercy.

What kind of lawyer would respond positively to a solicitation like this?

Dear Kenneth:

I handle almost exclusively Auto Dealer Fraud and Lemon Law matters. This email is an invitation to build a referral relationship between our practices. Before making a referral it is important to know to whom you are referring to. This is why I invite you to meet in person or at least over the phone so that we may become acquainted. You may also visit my websites, www.[spammyspam].org, www.[ispamu].com, and www.[godhelpmethisismylawfirm].com/Referrals to learn more about my practice and twenty (20) percent referral fee split policy. The last website contains a downloadable referral fee split agreement which will give you the assurance that all referrals to my office will be accounted and paid for in accordance to the CA State Bar regulations.

Over the years I have handled nearly 1,000 CA Lemon Law and Auto Dealer Fraud matters and have established a statewide reputation as an aggressive litigator in these areas of law. I have developed strong working relationships with most major manufacturers and dealerships, along with their defense counsel. A key philosophy of mine has been the consistent payment of a twenty (20) percent referral fee split on all referred cases no matter how small or large my fee recovery has been. Typical referral fee splits have ranged from $500 to $10,000. In light of my extensive experience in these fields I am able to maximize both my clients’ recoveries and my attorney's fee recoveries, hence I pay out sizable referral fee splits. I trust that upon meeting in person or over the phone we will be able to build rapport which will lead to many mutually lucrative referrals. I invite you to visit my websites and to call, email or meet with me. Once you get to know me you will be certain that all your referrals will be handled with utmost diligence and your fee split will be paid out immediately upon settlement of the subject matter. In fact, if you chose not to be paid a referral fee split I will make a donation to the charity of your choice.

I welcome the opportunity to speak with you and perhaps to meet with you so that I too may learn about your practice areas so as to be able to make reciprocal referrals. Thank you for your time.

Very truly yours,
Spammy P. Spamalot
Attorney At Law

Law Offices of Spammy P. Spamalot

Areas of Practice: Automobile Dealership Fraud, Lemon Law/Auto Defects, Product Liability and Class Actions

[address and phone omitted]

Spammy P. Spamalot, Esq.
University Ken Roots Against – Biological Sciences, B.A; University Ken Roots Against School of Law, J.D.
Admitted to the California State Bar, U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals and U.S. District Court for the Central District of California

Spammy P. Spamalot is lead trial counsel and founder of a preeminent consumer protection law office in Sherman Oaks, CA. Spamalot has extensive litigation experience in automobile dealership fraud, consumer fraud, automobile defects/lemon law, product liability and class action litigation. He has litigated cases against Intel Corporation, Toyota Motor Sales, USA, Inc., Honda North America, Inc., Aston Martin Lagonda of North America, Inc., BMW of North America, LLC, Mercedes-Benz USA, LLC, Keyes European, LLC, Rusnak Enterprises, LLC and Wells Fargo Auto Finance, Inc. His clients range across the socio-economic spectrum, from the working class to the corporate elite. What unifies them is Spamalot’s vision that all individuals should afford the full legal remedies available under the law if they have been wronged.

Spamalot earned his undergraduate degree in biological sciences from the University Ken Roots Against in a total of three years, while concurrently conducting scholarly research in gene therapy and earning the highest departmental awards for two consecutive years. Upon graduating from UKRA, Spamalot combined his intellectual capacity with his relentless passion for standing up for the right cause and matriculated in law school, rejecting his admission to a tier one medical school.[1]

Spamalot obtained his Juris Doctor degree from the University Ken Roots Against School of Law, where he concentrated his studies on business and corporate law, real estate law, property law and California civil procedure. While in law school, he co-founded a nationwide automobile sales and leasing brokerage. His venture in the automotive industry gave him first-hand exposure to the innermost nuances of automobile sales and leasing, which are rarely accessible to the public. While enhancing his professional network, Spamalot built bridges with industry and community leaders, government officials and prominent attorneys. At the same time Spamalot became involved in a graduate student association through which he developed charitable programs that rose over $30,000 annually and donated the funds to build schools and hospitals in underdeveloped regions of the world.

Immediately upon graduating, Spamalot established his own legal practice and quickly began gaining recognition for being an aggressive litigator with an unprecedented amount of inside knowledge of the automotive industry. He has a keen ability to assess damages in a given case and find legal theories under which to seek not only the client’s actual damages but also punitive damages and attorney’s fees and costs. This makes it possible for a consumer to afford retaining his legal services and vigorously pursuing a claim even when the consumer cannot afford to pay litigation expenses out of pocket.[2]

Spamalot is now widely known as one of the boldest litigators in the arena of automobile dealership fraud and auto defects/lemon law who gets most of his cases through referrals from other attorneys across the State of California and through word of mouth. He has not only gained recognition from his own clients but also from defense counsel who routinely settle cases with him merely to avoid going to trial and often times even refer him clients. With the extensive amount of success and knowledge in litigation he has also expanded his practice into consumer class action litigation.

Spamalot frequents speaking engagements where he informs university and law school students regarding the practice of law and civil litigation involving fraud. He also lectures to the public on the topic of consumer fraud, educating them on how to better protect their interests. Spamalot also hosted a popular television series that discussed consumer rights and remedies arising out of automobile dealership fraud, products liability and lemon law.

Spamalot is past president and re-founder of the UKRA Alumni Club with a base of over 10,000 local alumni. During his presidency, he organized various social, networking and fundraising events in conjunction with the UKRA Alumni House. He is presently on the UKRA School of Law Young Alumni Committee, is the co-founder and vice-chairman of the UKRA Ethnicity Alumni Association, and is involved as a member of the Consumer Attorneys Association of Los Angeles. As a member of the Board of Governors of the Ethnicity Bar Association, Spamalot has organized events honoring high ranking government officials, judges, litigators, prominent businessman and others.

Spamalot’s new YouTube series is scheduled to launch in the summer of 2013, where he plans to share more of his legal knowledge by providing insight into various consumer interest topics. He is also authoring a series of books to empower consumers through legal and practical advice.
• 1. Spamalot’s initial career objective was to become a pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon thus he studied biology as an undergrad at UKRA and conducting research in gene therapy studying the practical application of the HIV and FIV modules to cure AIDS at the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles. He was awarded the highest departmental awards for two consecutive years, the Milo Don Appleman Award and the Okin Award, and his research findings were published in the prestigious Molecular Therapy Journal of the American Society of Gene Therapy. Spamalot’s first scientific research project was a breakthrough in microscale techniques in thermodynamics which he published in the scholarly Journal of Chemical Education at the age of fifteen. He also graduated high school with the highest weighted grade point average of 4.72 in the State of California in the year of his graduation.
• 2. Shortly upon starting his legal practice Spamalot substituted in as lead counsel on two major ongoing litigations involving dealer fraud. The first one involved a $200,000 recreational vehicle purchase. The matter was set for trial three weeks away and Plaintiff’s counsel had done zero preparation, even advising him to walk away from the case after having expended an exorbitant amount of money and nearly eighteen months. Spamalot took over the matter, prepared for the trial and successfully recovered nearly one quarter of a million dollars. The second matter involved a $120,000 high-end sports vehicle, a working class Plaintiff who had hired a real estate attorney to represent him, over two years of ongoing litigation, a multi-million dollar defendant with top notch legal counsel and yet no end in sight. The underlying case was valued at $40,000 however Spamalot recovered double the amount by proving not only the selling dealership’s liability but also crucial errors made by the client’s prior counsel.

Last 5 posts by Ken White


  1. says


  2. Mark Lyon says

    Mr. Spamalot, Esq., seems to have the same bio on his website. Did you take a look at his referrals page? It's even creepier.

    "Our philosophy on referrals – the business of law is driven by either traditional marketing or word of mouth. While we do have an extensive marketing campaign we give referrals an equal weight. In fact we believe referrals are worth more than traditional marketing. This is why we offer 20% fee-splits on almost all referrals.

    "When it comes to areas of law which we do not handle, there are only two choices since every potential client is going to find the attorney they need.
    1. You can reject the client.
    2. You can refer them to our office and earn 20% of what we make on fees.

    "All referrals are tracked meticulously to ensure that the referring attorney gets his/her referral fee. In fact, we have a preliminary referral agreement which you can download by clicking below…

  3. Jeff W says

    Would "School Ken Roots Against" happen to employ a very unlikeable individual whose name rhymes with Train Swiffin?

  4. manybellsdown says

    It reads like my ex's resume. He is a master of padding. Things like "Investigated theft and fraud cases for *major retail company*" = "was a $10/hr security guard at one store".

  5. Michael K. says

    Before making a referral it is important to know to whom you are referring to.

    For example, if the person to whom you are referring to is the kind of person who jumps through pretentious grammatical hoops to avoid ending a phrase with a preposition, and then does it anyway.

  6. JDM says

    Quick comments from someone who was actually accepted to (and graduated from) a medical school.

    I have never heard a pre-med, medical student, or doctor, refer to a tier one medical school. The term simply isn't used in medicine, even when one wants to brag. (I believe the term is used in law, but a former pre-med should know the difference.)

    The Milo Don Appleman award is given to the most outstanding senior _pursuing a career in health science._ Thus Mr. Spamalot either 1) lied to the awards committee about his career aspirations, 2) he's lying now, or 3) Mr. Spamalot figured out he couldn't keep up in medical school so he decided to practice law!

    At any rate, if I need a lawyer, I will look for one whose lies cannot be exposed in 20 seconds on Google.

  7. flip says

    It's like someone took a resume and a job application cover letter and turned it into spam. Someone hired himself a resume writer, then in what they thought was a 'genius' moment, turned it into comedy gold.

    Spamalot also hosted a popular television series that discussed consumer rights and remedies arising out of automobile dealership fraud, products liability and lemon law.

    And yet still has trouble making money?

  8. Meghan says

    I like how he "frequents" speaking engagements. He's not invited to speak – he just like to hang out and lecture the public.

  9. says

    Oh Lordy, the legal spam you lot get in the States is amazing :)

    Though being a cynical type I thought I'd do a bit of sleuthing and couldn't be less surprised after checking out the WhoIs ownership on wisecarshopper[dot]com . Seems like this guys a busy little camper who just loves cars and anything that goes broom broom spammy spam broom

  10. says

    And lets not forget who owns NexusLab which also runs Nexusguide the "bestest place for lawyers to market themselves" *eyeroll* (well if it worked and wasn't full of spam itself LOL)

  11. Seth says

    Before making a referral it is important to know to whom you are referring to.

    Wow. Please tell me you added this sentence as a joke.

  12. Deadly Laigrek says

    Why, oh why, would anyone who's as smart as he says he is put a bio of themselves in a business email? I'm honestly shocked that he didn't put anything in about how he was a super genius at age 8.

    Hey, so did you all know that I was on the brink of finding the cure for stupid at age 3? The science community didn't like that, so they paid me $100 bazillion just to keep quiet on the matter.

  13. Ygolonac says

    I could save this dude so much bandwidth and dead electrons:

    "Hi! I'm Spamalot, an attorney specialising in lemon-law cases. Refer any such clients to me, and I'll kick back 20% of the take.


  14. Dan says

    Spam ridicule is just one of the reasons I come back here so often. Why do they make it so easy on Ken? This is the kind of guy who sends the court and his peers a memo demanding to be called "Doctor" upon completion of his PhD.

    Clearly he's just appealing to the money-grubbing, desperate scumbucket lawyers. Why else talk about the referral a dozen times? It's an image I would prefer our profession shed, but it's not happening when you've got Spamalot out there.

    On the topic of referral fees, I can't imagine taking anything beyond a couple of beers at the bar or a lunch if I referred a huge case to someone. I refer cases to people I think will do a good job because you want the prospective client (or perhaps existing client) to meet a good result, not because you want a 20% kickback. I do, however, refer lunatic inventors or cold caller malpractice lawsuits in-waiting to attorneys I dislike.

  15. Nate says

    Hoookay, let me knock this guys cancer curing skills down a peg or two.

    First, The Journal of Chemical Education, while an ACS (American Chemical Society) journal and peer-reviewed, it only has an impact factor or 0.571, which means very few people read it and the science is a mixture of okay and good, but not to be construed as novel or innovative in any way, shape, or form. It's perfect for publishing a high school science project.

    Secondly, his "Molecular Therapy Journal of the American Society of Gene Therapy" is just the journal Molecular Therapy not that giant name. Molecular Therapy is a nature journal and has an impact factor of 6.873, which which is a decent impact factor and suggests that the journal publishes good science and is read by people in the field but not as extensively read by other scientists. However, he happens to be a VERY middle author (#9 out of 13). He probably did some of the preliminary experiments and maybe helped out with some of the experiments in the figures, but highly doubtful he did any real work on his own without supervision nor contributed significantly to actual writing (probably a sentence here and there and editing).

    Authors are ordered in terms of contribution, aside from the last author (corresponding author, i.e. the big shot), in whose lab the work was done. Impact factors are determined by novelty, impact, and quality (and to a lesser amount quantity) of the science performed and how widely spread across different disciplines the readership is.

  16. JR says

    This brings me back to the times I would lurk on 419eater. But probably not as dangerous to the blogger. Still very entertaining and enlightening.

  17. Jack says

    LOL – Spamalot twitted 3 hours ago: "Looking for SEO and PR Specialists." I guess he finally realized he isn't the best marketeer.

  18. AlphaCentauri says

    Good luck with that SEO if this is an indication of what he would do if he had carte blanche to control his own image. He has no clue.

    I don't know how lawyers think. But in health fields, you probably wouldn't want to brag about how brilliant and successful you were early in life if you are currently so desperate for work that you're almost paying people to hire you. It makes people wonder what happened to cause your career to implode.

    Undergraduate just gets you into medical school. You don't have to be involved in medical research at that point. You don't have to be capable of curing cancer or AIDS. You just have to show you're capable of doing the level of work required in med school and you have to have references willing to say you're responsible enough to be given that type of trust.

    If someone wants to be a pediatric neurosurgeon, he's years away from having to make that cut. He doesn't have to convince anyone of his ability to be a brain surgeon vs. a dermatologist until he's nearly ready to graduate from medical school.

    Here we've got someone who was aspiring to enter pediatric neurosurgery, a specialty where one can be altruistic, be well-respected, and be very highly compensated. He claims he was bright enough to have entered medical school, and there's no way of knowing if he would have scored a neurosurgical residency at the end of the four years. Yet he instead derailed his plans and went to law school.

    And instead of achieving the brilliant success in his new field that one might expect from such a multi-talented individual — or instead of making some use of his aptitude for medical information — his practice is confined to suing to defend people's right to have their warranties honored. And he can't even do that without fee-splitting, spamming, and apparently soon, SEO manipulation.

    So what could have happened during his undergraduate studies that would cause him to shift his goals from pediatric neurosurgery to something less prestigious or well-compensated, something that doesn't involve access to controlled substances or underage/anesthetised people?

    Maybe nothing. But if I were him, I wouldn't be making people ask that question by mailing that spam. Just sayin'.

  19. AlphaCentauri says

    My bad, it was pediatric cardiothoracic surgery. Also very prestigious and well-compensated.

  20. Anony Mouse says

    The bio's longer than the actual letter. That alone should have made him stop and rethink things. It's like people on forums with 80-line sig files appended to two-word posts.