Me Write Pony One Day

David Williamson

Jul 2, 2013

Hi Ken,

My name is David and I was just checking out your blog Popehat. I have seen that you have published guest posts from different authors in your niche. I am fully interested in witting about law and legal topics.

Here is couple of post that I have written in the past.




Please let me Know how it sounds like so I will start putting a piece together or drop me an email if you have any question/ideas.

Kind Regards,

David Williamson

Hi David,

My name is Ken and I was checking out your email. I have seen that you have written guest posts for various blogs.

David, I am excited to Know that you are open to my questions/ideas about possible guest posts about law and legal topics.

Here's a topic that interests us at Popehat: how does the law classify ponies vis a vis horses?

David, until recently we were under the impression that ponies were simply teenaged horses. That would explain their impetuous and dangerous behavior. Everyone knows that teenagers act badly. Time Magazine has been warning us about teenaged super-predators for decades. That was supposed to be because of crack cocaine and fetal alcohol system and possibly cable television, which I'm pretty sure aren't problems for ponies, but I think my point is still clear, isn't it?

But now I learn that I was wrong, that ponies are different — that they are Other, not merely teenaged or otherwise stunted horses. My question: does this Otherness have any standing at law? Are ponies, as an Other, somehow privileged to wreck the dank and copper-scented havoc they lust for? Do ponies have rights superior to horses, or superior to we foolish men who allow ourselves to believe we are their masters?

I would be very interested in discussing a guest post about that, David.

Very truly yours,


Last 5 posts by Ken White


  1. Jim Salter says

    I think we could all use some clarification on this topic, as it turns out that there IS no official, black-and-white distinction between "pony" and "horse" which one may refer to in case of dispute. WHICH FRUSTRATES ME.

  2. Craig says

    I thought you were being unnecessarily nasty until I read the three articles he linked to.

  3. Jo says

    Jim, in critical equine legal studies, we don't say "black-and-white distinction," we say "appaloosa distinction." You have to get the jargon down if you want to be taken seriously in the field. Ken, I'm preparing a guest post for you now.

  4. Cat says

    I wonder, idly, what you will do, Ken, if someone ever takes your response to heart and writes something that you've requested. Involving ponies, of course.
    The relevant information researched, the proper footnotes in place, the guest blog fully saddled up and trotted out for your review.

  5. says

    A pony is a horse that is less than 14.2 hands tall. Their diminutive size gives them more leeway in behavior than is afforded a horse. Ponys get to be a pain in the ass and people just smile and joke about the PITA pony. A horse would be remanded for additional training.

    My daughter (ie, me) owns a horse.

  6. ZK says

    I'm not certain I should volunteer this information, but I'm actually acquainted with someone who once worked as an online marketeer in the equine business. If you had the right keywords or Google results or whatever, I absolutely guarantee you could get blog-o-spam explaining the horse/pony distinction.

  7. Oomph says

    It is good to know that he is fully interested, rather than just mildly interested, in his witting.

  8. says

    Oh, now I understand.

    (From the comments)–"There is a possibility she was pastured with a pony and got beaten up by one."

  9. En Passant says

    Darryl wrote Jul 3, 2013 @10:10 am:

    (From the comments)–"There is a possibility she was pastured with a pony and got beaten up by one."

    I think that any horse who is legitimately concerned about ponies' "dank and copper-scented havoc" should be issued a concealed carry permit.

  10. nlp says

    To add even more confusion to the description of ponies, there are breeds that are ponies, for example Shetland, Welsh, or Connemara, and occasionally one will grow to 14.2 hand size, which makes them horses. (A hand is four inches). And sometimes horses such as Arabians or Morgans are smaller than usual, so they are the size of ponies, but are called horses.

  11. a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says

    Legally, a pony is 14.2 hands or under. Culturally, however, it is a different question. A not insignificant number of Hackney Ponies are 14.3 or taller, yet they are still Hackney Ponies (though they are ineligibile for to competed in specifically designated pony classes if oversized). Likewise a not insignificant number of Arabians, and Morgans, as mentioned are pony sized, but still known as horses.

    Among the arenas (intended) in which it matters is the hunter/jumper horse show world, which have specific pony divisions. A pony must measure 14.2 or under to qualify to show in those divisions. There are also subdivisions of small medium and large, which in addition to size requirements may also have age limits for riders.

    Indeed there are both temporary and permanent pony cards, which permit competition in these pony divisions. Cards issued prior to pony age 6 are temporary and the pony must be remeasured at 6 to get a permanent card designation official size.

    Measurements must occur at a licensed competition in which the pony is entered to compete. Measurements are final once performed, in that they are official and are are not subject to measurement mistrials. Measurements must be performed by both a licensed official and a veterinarian, who each sign the report. Of course an officially licensed stick must be used.

    So this is kind of serious stuff to some folks. Is that what you sought by soliciting an explanation of how the law – in this case the United States Equestrian Federation -classifies horses and ponies?

  12. Felsi says

    Since the United States Equestrian Federation is the National Governing Body for the sport under the Ted Stevens Amateur Sports Act of 1978 I'm rather surprised that a hip hop artist from Idaho accepts at face value the statement that measurements are final once performed. Clearly §220527. "Complaints against national governing bodies" states that this is not the case. (IANAL)

  13. kmc says

    @a hip hop artist, that all sounds worth it just so my pony could have a little wallet on a strap and show people that he was a card-carrying pony.

  14. eigenperson says

    14.2 hands? As in seven people's worth, plus one finger?

    All regular Popehat readers are aware, of course, that ponies are blood-crazed, vicious criminals, and that due to corrupt and frightened politicians they are allowed to continue their brutal practices with impunity. But I am truly shocked to find that a pony may legally cripple more than a dozen innocent people in the most barbaric way without any penalty whatsoever. Has Congress no shame? Are they completely in the pocket of this shadowy Equestrian Federation?

    It also seems to me that the law turns a blind eye to those ponies who have far exceeded the legal limit. The infamous 8-month reign of terror perpetrated by Dancing Sunshine and Bluebell in Goodyears Bar, CA, during which over 200 people lost limbs and 17 lost their lives, never seemed to merit the attention of police, and the perpetrators continue to compete in pony contests with no penalty. This is despite the fact that Bluebell was indisputably under the age of 6 years during the massacre, and should have been remeasured according to the letter of the law. Apparently this did not happen, or perhaps the integrity of the measurement was compromised, since despite the best witness intimidation attempts of the tyrants, there exist accounts clearly proving that Bluebell personally cut off at least 20 hands.

    This is, as you rightly point out, "kind of serious stuff."

  15. naught_for_naught says

    This has probably been done before, but it's a great tune and merits another listen, I think.

  16. Manatee says

    Everyone knows that "pony" is just a subjective, demeaning term imposed upon undesirable, orbital beta-male horses by the female horses who reject them.

  17. SassQueen says

    So, if anyone ever actually responds with a pony guest post, you'll post it, right? Pretty please?

  18. sorrykb says

    @Manatee: Don't encourage them (or us), or we'll end up with a pony post with 600 comments.
    P.S. Friendship is magic!

  19. sorrykb says

    P.P.S. If only ponies would just up their game, we wouldn't feel threatened by their pony creepiness. Apparently.

  20. Doug says

    you'd think after awhile, this blog would be in some kind of anti spam database.

  21. Dan U says

    I am worried about the creepy rules committee that came up with the 14.2 hands definition. While modern technology can certainly deal with it now-a-days at one time the fellow who did the last measurement must have been the stable-boy equivalent of a Castrati.

  22. Joe the Plummer says

    Yes, it was spammy and you called the guy out but you must have given him a follow link when you posted his comment cuz it's raising his serp. Maybe you are a nice guy. There are no secrets on the internet just multiple ways to obscure the truth.

  23. Joe the Plummer says

    Sorry, my bad…turns out that Dave is getting a minor boost from a secondary link from someone who is piling on…(which explains how I got here)… I guess I was too quick to call you out as a nice guy; I'll keep digging.

    Happy 4th. Feel free to moderate all, none or either of my comments to the trash.

  24. Incunablum says

    You're going to be very embarrassed (an a little un-nerved) when he comes back in a week with a well-written article about the legal status of ponies.

  25. says

    My Dearest Ken… someday someone is going to want to write a guest post for your site involving Assateague Island and it's legal and moral troubles involving the Chincoteague Ponies, and then what shall you do?

    Indeed I would offer to write such a piece and ask to get it guested on your blog but I lack the legal gravitas (oh, and actual legal knowledge) to make the submission all that it needs to be.

    But someday someone will…

  26. efemmeral says

    The mystery is over. Ponies are small and mean because they have a 'fetal alcohol system'.

  27. I Was Anonymous says

    What about the insidious pony-ization of organized children's sports?

    When my nephews played little league baseball, at one point they were placed into the dreaded… PONY LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!

    Until Ken explained the Pony Menace, I didn't realize exactly how sneaky they were, but now I fear for my nephew's lives and morals. How do I know they won't grow up to be spammers?

  28. Gbear711 says

    Teenaged fecklessness is born of those whose parents read those dreaded comic books in the 40's and 50's. They were begotten from those who smoked corn husks behind the barn from the 1600's to the post industrial revolution.
    Why does the legal society have this obsession with labels. I guess it comes from being paid by the word. Ponies are not zebras. Bronies are a horse of a different color.

  29. digitaurus says

    Unfortunately it's not as simple as some comments imply. Some "horses" (more than 14.2h) are just OVERGROWN PONIES. My question: can I aim off a little and "terminate with extreme prejudice" everything below 16 hands ? I appreciate innocent horses will suffer but doesn't the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few ?

    A related point. It occurs to me that – even if I stick to the 14.2h thing and only blast away at this height and below – perhaps there will be some STUNTED HORSES among them ? Do I need to worry about this ? Have stunted horses been recorded ?

    Unfortunately neither horses nor ponies seem to be big internet users, so monitoring their online activity hasn't really helped. Can any NSA-operatives-on-a-break provide any advice ? Appreciated.

  30. Deathpony says


    "Unfortunately neither horses nor ponies seem to be big internet users, "

    You may have been misinformed. And we know where you live…when the great pony uprising comes, you will be the first to feel its wrath.

    Unless you provide carrots. Then we're even.

  31. AlphaCentauri says

    My kids all came home from school with necklaces made of pony beads. Around their necks.

  32. says

    What's this guy's goal? Does he ask to write "guest columns" and then fill them up with links to sites that are paying for SEO traffic?

  33. Matt says

    If you had the right keywords or Google results or whatever, I absolutely guarantee you could get blog-o-spam explaining the horse/pony distinction.

    Soon enough, with all these posts, he may indeed get pony-related blog-o-spam. And it will be a thing of beauty.

  34. nlp says

    By the way, the above discussion regarding the distinction between horses and ponies does not include miniature horses, which are smaller than ponies, but are called horses.

  35. Christenson says

    And what about the PONY KEG menace?? Not to mention the menacibg act of ponying up!!

  36. James Pollock says

    What are you, unAmerican?
    Yankee Doodle came to town riding on a pony.

    On. A. Pony. Not a horse, not a bicycle, a pony.

    When you attack Yankee Doodle, you attack America. And just one day before the celebration of our nation's independence, too.

  37. says

    @Ken – until now, I considered you a pretty heroic figure but I had this moment of clarity that changed it all. I've watched you hop all over injustice and do what you could to help out the victims and I cheered (I even got off my butt to try to help out the victims of the revenge porn sites). But what kind of moral coward sits by and does nothing as they watch some serious injustice and victimization happen when they could? A JD From Harvard, a Federal Prosecutor and a pretty impressive pedigree overall which means you have the ability to do quite a bit. Yet searching through the Popehat archives, I noticed you haven't lifted a finger to help the victims of ponies.

    Oh, you'll write reply emails and post them which do a little to help spread the word, but have you filed *any* litigation against a single Pony? No, you haven't. Have you attempted to file a single injunction? No, not one. And the true outrage, i've searched and you haven't sent out a Single "Govern Yourself accordingly" letter to a single pony. Which means you and Clark must both be members of the Illuminati, so he pretends to bust your balls but never engages in real criticism – someone as smart and insightful as Clark somehow missed your moral cowardice when it comes to the Pony Scourge? No F****** way that happened by accident – your Illuminati masters clearly took a break from directing Rihanna and Lil Wayne videos to give you both instructions on this. Alex Jones is right, they are trying to kill us off but not with Inside jobs, vaccines, genetically modified foods or even BitCoin manipulation – it's by having all their puppets sit by and pretend the Pony Apocalypse isn't real. Everyone else isn't the only one that can quote The Usual Suspects, the Greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And all you high powered lawyers are doing this sleight of hand (I have to assume Randazza is in on it too ;-( ), getting us to worry about copyright trolls, gov't censors and that stuff, while crack smoking ponies are busy making Human Child Foie Gras.

  38. AlphaCentauri says

    Bill, wow, it's all clear as day now. I bet Via Angus is actually Via Equus, too!

  39. says

    @AlphaCentauri – yah, I consistently amaze myself when I reread my late night comments. I can actually write gibberish like that without being under the influence of anything. It's a digression I guess, but what surprises me is how easy it is to just babble mindlessly and connect dots with metaphorical crayon and chalk, that really dont have any connection to each other. I do it, I make an a55 out of myself, Alex Jones does it and he's a celebrity. I couldn't even get a response from Ken or Clark over a Pony Taunt, complete and utter failure on my part.