The Road To Popehat: What's Wrong With Us Edition

It's time for the Road to Popehat, the feature in which we check out the site traffic software, see what Google searches brought you here, and ask ourselves what the hell have I been writing to attract these people?

The answer, apparently, is some pretty disturbing stuff.

is rabbits emostiomal: American schools are back in session I see.

What important information would you include in a memo to your supervising attorney about methods to avoid the consequences of piecing the corporate veil? Meanwhile, law students' summer associate positions are nearly concluded. This person may have been being paid as much as $3,000 per week to Google questions like that. Isn't the legal system swell?

what will happen if execs of blood go into brain: You know, I really wouldn't worry about it.

Make an ad campaign of a deodorant with a nerdy man who is insecure with siblings and shy with girls. DO IT, GOOGLE! DO IT NOW! Why won't this damn thing work?

toes on my right foot stuck and I can't move them individually: I'm really sorry, but I just looked that up on WebMD and it says you have cancer.

how can you make men angry? That question is a step in the right direction.

what happens if uterus is a bully: Are you the same person asking about making men angry? Are you quite well?

wil a phonebook leave marks on the human body: Always happy to have our friends in law enforcement visit.

what are the odds of choking to dea: Uh-oh.

are there any blogs like Popehat in Canada: As if.

Last 5 posts by Ken White


  1. sorrykb says

    "Execs of Blood" would make an awesome TV series. I'm thinking A&E, but maybe it would fit into Discovery Channel's newer style.

  2. Darryl S says

    Man, I'd totally read a Canadian Popehat-esque blog. I'm in danger of learning too much about the American legal system and assuming it applies here as well.

  3. Craig says

    A Canadian blog like PopeHat would be in danger of being shut down (and its authors prosecuted) for "hate speech". Canadians (and Australians) are completely insane on the subject of hate speech.

  4. James Pollock says

    "how can you make men angry?"
    Post an article, on any topic, that contains the word "creep".

    "are there any blogs like Popehat in Canada: As if."
    You mean "As if, eh?"

  5. says

    @Craig: Your use of "insane" as a pejorative is hate speech. This has been noted in the UK, Canada, and Australia. Do not travel if you know what's good for you.

  6. James Pollock says

    "Man, I'd totally read a Canadian Popehat-esque blog. I'm in danger of learning too much about the American legal system and assuming it applies here as well."
    It's just a matter of time. We've had our eye on southern British Columbia for quite some time now (54-40 or fight!) and the holdup has been figuring out to do with that many people who think government-run healthcare is a good idea. However, you can have Justin Bieber back.

  7. Matt C. says

    Funny…when I WebMD'd (is this gramatically correct and is it a verb like "googled"?), "toes on my right foot stuck and I can't move them individually" I found out that I have Crohns disease.

  8. Darryl S says

    Canadians (and Australians) are completely insane on the subject of hate speech.

    Sorry Craig, but I have to nitpick this one. It's not that we Canadians, as a group, are more hair-trigger than people elsewhere. It's that the government has set up an extra-judicial body that gives unchecked power to the small number of easily-offended people that exist in any society.
    After all, PopeHat has shown us all how many Americans are equally quick to take offense…there's just not a body in place with the primary purpose of doling out punishment for that.
    Not that this invalidates your point at all :-)

  9. Resolute says

    @James Pollock – Southern BC? You can have it. Hell, to get rid of Canucks fans, I'd even take Buffalo in return!

    Anyway, a Canadian Popehat would be great!

    Dear Dr. MacKenzie,

    My name is Diefenbaker Black. I am an attorney in Toronto, a member of the Section Two of the Canadian Charter Lawyers Association, and a blogger. I write about subjects including free speech, legal threats against bloggers, and the use of the legal system to chill speech, insofar as I do not run afoul of my province's Human Rights Commission….

  10. Lucy says

    I can't move my toes individually. I thought I was healthy before reading this post. If everyone else can move each of their toes individually, without moving the other four, maybe Popehat can offer a treatment plan for this affliction. (Now that we know this is a thing.)

  11. Some Random Guy says

    @Darryl S – to nitpick your nitpicking, the Canadian Human Rights Commission is a quasi-judicial administrative body subject to judicial review of its decisions; it is not extrajudicial.

    Also, the s. 13 (the "Hate Speech" section) of the Canadian Human Rights Act was repealed (by a Private Member's Bill) on June 26 2013, with the repeal coming into force on June 26 2014.

    I don't believe that any of the provincial or territorial Human Rights Codes (or equivalents) deal with hate speech, or at least not in the same way that s. 13 did, but I may be wrong on that.

  12. Ron Larson says

    "…wil a phonebook leave marks on the human body: "

    When I moved to Australia in 2001, I was advised by the locals on how to survive a "phone book massage" administered by the police in one of their remote suburban stations (I assume because the screams can't be heard by neighbors). At first I thought they were kidding. They weren't.

    Fortunately, I've never had to personally see that side of the Aussie cops. But I ran into a lot of people who did. Believe it or not, I actually ended up respecting the US law enforcement structure. It is harder in the US for a cop to get away with shit like that.

  13. nlp says

    wil a phonebook leave marks on the human body

    When I worked in a library I had a patron throw a phonebook at me and it never left a mark.

    He left the library a few moments later.

  14. Earle says

    On behalf of emostiomal rabbits who have been bullied by uteri, I'm offended by this post.

    At least you're not angry!

  15. JohnC says

    [B]ASK A COP[/B]

    [I]Will a phonebook leave marks on the human body?

    Good question!

    Obviously, the key to any good interrogation is picking the proper blunt object.

    Now, it's important to remember that any impact is likely to cause some hemorrhage, inflammation, even fatty displacement, to the superficial and deep soft tissue. But, since what we're really interested are short-lived 'cutaneous manifestations' (i.e., bruises), the good ol' Yellow Pages (or, in a pinch, the Sunday Times) remains tried and true for a couple of reasons.

    First, the broader the impact area — of either the impacting object or the body surface impacted — the less the localized injury (compared to an equally forceful impact with dispersion of energy over a narrower area). This is particularly important when the interview gets more vigorous.

    Second, while the curved and bony prominences of the head normally would be ripe for bruising, the low velocity and high flexibility of your YP means that it readily deforms upon impact, dissipating its energy over a longer period, and ultimately resulting in less visible tissue damage.

    P.S. Don't underestimate the effect the audible "WHOOMP" will have on Mr. Lawyer-Up: The more painful it sounds, the worse it'll feel.

    Sgt. John Q. Law is a decorated police officer and nationally syndicated advice columnist. His weekly column, ASK A COP, appears in 250 newspapers nationwide.

  16. Myk says

    @craig – Slight correction; Australians are insane about hate speech *when directed at 'real' Australians*. Any speech directed at fags, spicks, wogs, abbos, seppos, ragheads, lebbos and blacks is fine, it's just expressing "Australian Pride". Bunch of racist xenophobes here.

  17. NotPiffany says

    All I can say is that if your uterus is being a bully, I sympathize with your plight. *glares in the general direction of her uterus*

  18. Hughhh says

    Myk, if you don't have a Southern Cross tattoo somewhere on your body… don't let the door hit you on the way out.

    While I type this at work, I look across at my second monitor emblazoned with a black-and-white profile shot of Adam Goodes, and the slogan "Racism: It Stops With Me." If only that were remotely true.

    In lighter news™, this post made me LOL IRL. :)

  19. Rob says

    Ron Larson • Aug 15, 2013 @12:56 pm

    It is harder in the US for a cop to get away with shit like that.

    [Citation Needed]

  20. NickM says

    The coming war between the U.S and Canada will be fought over Justin Bieber. The U.S. will attempt to deport him, and Canada will take up arms rather than take him back.

  21. NS says


    Carefull with talk like that, we dumped Bieber on you, and if you act up, will stick you with Nickleback, too!

  22. JWH says

    I sometimes research legal issues on Google, actually. I find that if I'm approaching a new area of the law, it's better to find some initial material (particularly from the CFR or from nonprofits' practice guides) on the Web rather than run up the WestLaw bill.

  23. James Pollock says

    "The coming war between the U.S and Canada will be fought over Justin Bieber. The U.S. will attempt to deport him, and Canada will take up arms rather than take him back."
    We don't care if he goes back to Canada or not. Our mop buckets, photos of ex-presidents, and gated-community streets will not be safe until he's out of the U.S. Perhaps he'd prefer to go to Germany, so he can be closer to his monkey.
    Of course, we can put him on a stealth bomber and drop him in the middle of Hudson's Bay without anyone being the wiser. Probably the only thing that's kept this from happening is that there are some senior State department officials who remember how the Canadians helped us out in 1979. But they've gotta be close to retirement, now…

  24. Bryn says

    is rabbits emostiomal

    Yes, they can be. Mine is peevish about something this morning and is expressing his inborn disapproval with trying to chew on the carpet. After I sent a loudish "No!" in his direction, I found myself saying that there would be repercussions and that he should "govern himself accordingly." The words just popped out there and cracked me up. Ye gods and little fishes, I'm channeling your blog now.

  25. Matt says

    @NickM, all I can think of:

    "Oh this young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, well, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle… Ogie Ogilthorpe!"

  26. Anony Mouse says

    "The difference in Canada is that there is an actual functioning democracy"

  27. Josh C says

    The Blood Executives sound like great antagonists for a modern horror RPG.

    You can't move your toes individually, because you never learned to as a child, and now they have a common innervation.

  28. David Smith says

    There goes our record.

    For the longest time the US was the ONLY country in the world where a judge could not punish you for telling the (inappropriate) truth.

  29. Some Random Guy says

    @Jono – that's even funnier than the idea that Canada has an actual functioning democracy.

  30. AlphaCentauri says

    Bieber is nothing compared to Rupert Murdoch. How do we send him back to Australia?

  31. Sami says

    AlphaCentauri: YOU FUCKING DON'T.

    Murdoch is an American, not Australian, citizen now and we DON'T WANT HIM BACK.

    We *had* to give him citizenship initially, you can't do anything about natives, but YOUR country gave it to him VOLUNTARILY so he's YOUR PROBLEM NOW.


    (Also, I would like the people alleging that Australia is insane about "hate speech" to please provide examples of people who were prosecuted for such a crime and the horrendous undue punishments they received for it, or else to stop making that claim.)

  32. James Pollock says

    "Murdoch is an American, not Australian, citizen now and we DON'T WANT HIM BACK."

    Too bad. We have stealth technology that could easily be applied to the rendition, and you'd never even know we'd been there until Rupert walks out of the desert.