The Ballad of Sweet Old Bob

When we elected Sweet Old Bob to represent our city,
He said he'd never take a bribe nor tap into the kitty.
We misconstrued, he turned out lewd, and isn't it a pity
That now we're screwed because his "private conduct" has been shoddy.

His platform failed to mention groping, feeling, copping, kissing.
I'm pretty sure that spooning, mooning, chi, and tea were missing.
And so he bagged a victory that left opponents hissing,
And set about to leave his mark, a man of poll and party.

Turns out "increasing public staffing" isn't what we thought,
And "touching every household" isn't quite what we were taught,
And "I'll scratch your back" isn't just a metaphor for "bought",
And kleenex, with a thousand uses, isn't just for sneezing.

So listen, Sweet Old Bob. It isn't you. It's me. It's we.
You quid pro quo, and I can't go for that with you, you see.
A swift kick in the recall may cut short your sunset spree,
So sail away. Your stream, now slow, will only finally peter.

Last 5 posts by David Byron


  1. Tarrou says

    Just a sideshow. We've all known since the mid-90s that modern ethics (as articulated by feminists and the media) hold that mistreatment of women by Dems is peachy, doesn't affect their performance in office, and look at that stock market! But should a non-liberal be so strident, so cruel, so absolutely bigoted to suggest a woman pay for her own birth control……….WAR ON WOMEN WAR ON WOMEN WARONWOMENWARGLBARGLEARF.

  2. Renee Jones says

    Ya. Texting lewd images is intolerable. We much prefer to have elected officials that steal and promote corruption. That is the 'Merican way.

  3. mud man says

    Can't figure out the rhyme scheme here. Does it have anything at all to do with the post on sonnets??

    In other news, there goes one hope for meaningful reform this cycle.

  4. BaronLurk says

    Well stated, David. The only thing missing in our political / media circus is the Calliope and player providing background music every time we observe another presser or news story.

  5. Tarrou says


    I'm certainly against taxes paying for off-label prescription of Viagra (as Viagra isn't actually a penis pill, but a blood-pressure medication that happens to have certain……overshadowing…..side effects). So cut funding for both and save us even more money. So no, I do not "happily" pay for anything.

  6. Kevin says

    But, but… he went to rehab! REHAB!!! For a whole week! So you know he's all better now, right? That's how rehab works, isn't it?

  7. ChrisTS says


    How very odd. I am a woman, a feminist, and I typically seem to vote for Democratic candidates. I had no idea that I excused sexual harassment and assault when engaged in by Democratic politicians.

    (I have lost my avatar!)

  8. Sami says

    @ChrisTS: Well said.

    I'm not American, so I don't vote in American elections at all, but other than that, /signed.

    I did used to vote for the Australian Democrats, but that party imploded spectacularly a few years ago, and I, like everyone else, stopped voting for them. (Quite the spectacular implosion for a political party: they managed to find a decision so boneheaded that in a single election they managed to lose *every seat*.)

  9. different Jess says

    Sami, what was that decision, and is there any way we can get both the Ds and Rs in the USA to take that same decision?

  10. Josh says

    @Tarrou, have you missed the two (TWO! SO FAR!) Anthony Wiener scandals, for just one Democratic politician? It ain't just the Republicans who get in trouble for sexual harassment.

  11. jdgalt says

    @differentJess: I'd say the so-called shutdown required both parties to play their parts (even if they're still pretending to be opponents).