Legal Marketing Supergenius Patrick Zarrelli Finally Gets Around to Threatening Me

It's hurtful to be left out.

That's why I've been miffed at Patrick Zarrelli. Dude's threatened everybody who is anybody amongst mood-disordered middle-aged lawbloggers. Scott Greenfield. Mark Bennett. Brian Tannebaum. Keith Lee. But not me. What the fuck, Patrick Zarrelli? Am I not a man? Am I not a lawblogger? If you annoy me, am I not a prick?

But it's all better now. Patrick's sent me my own rant. I feel . . . pretty.

There's backstory, of course. It begins, as narrative convention requires, in Florida. Gary Ostrow is a lawyer, technically. He posted an amusingly buffoonish self-promoting press release, which drew derision from lawbloggers. A year later, Ostrow reacted with tragicomic threats and bluster against the lawbloggers, which is like attempting to deter a dog by throwing bacon at it.

Ostrow, showing the acumen that led him to bluster at lawbloggers in the first place, hired a cartoon character named Patrick Zarrelli to fix the situation. Patrick Zarrelli is what you would get if a spray tan achieved semi-sentience. Now remember: when you outsource your marketing, you outsource your ethics and reputation. Zarrelli descends into an arm-flailing frenzy of bumptious threats, weird phone calls, demented state bar complaints, phantom criminal charges, and general dipshittery, nicely summarized here and here. Hiring Patrick Zarrelli to fix your online reputation is like hiring Mad Max to detail your car.

I didn't write about Patrick Zarrelli, in part because of a nagging suspicion that he's a hallucination resulting from certain pharmaceutical imbalances and preoccupations with bad marketing. But this go-around, after he threatened Keith Lee again, I decided to write him asking for a comment. I sent him a message on his Reddit account:

Dear Mr. Zarrelli,
I write about free speech issues, and especially the intersection of legal threats and online culture. I'm working on a story about your legal threats. I write to ask if you'd be interested in or willing to answer some questions or provide any comment.
Thank you,
Ken White

The result was everything I could have dreamed.

Lol Ken, you write for one of the sites who attacked me! In the attack the lawyers said I do cocaine, my mom is an alcoholic, my dad was arrested for cocaine trafficking lol. All of these are complete lies, and just the begging of the libelous speech they used against me. Moreover they did it on their official legal websites. Where they do not have free speech, they actually have heavily governed speech by their respective bar associations. We have multiple complaints in committee right now, a couple more in appeal. The attack against us was organized, but weak, the attorneys are not web developers, they are just blowhards, with nothing but blog posts in their arsenal. Which leaves them very vulnerable online. As far as I can tell my team online is much better than the loose affiliation of the people attacking me. Also my name is already ruined online and will never be completely fixed. So us retaliating has zero affect on me, just like your article will. As a matter of fact the more you guys write, the more it will begin to drown itself out online, and the more fuel you will provide our counter articles. So im not sure what you are trying to do here? Would you like to be included in this online war? Go ahead! Lets see what a mess we can make of everyone's good names online!!!

About the attack against me: The lawyers all know each other and work together online it was not an organic attack, it was manufactured.
Also as soon as the lawyers wrote with that language and misinformation on their official sites they were bar complaint worthy. Hence why some went all the way to committee.

As soon as they left their sites and began attacking me on my social media pages, and constantly calling my house and office, it became stalking and harassment. Hence why they have criminal charges sitting on the State Attorneys desk right now for their associates like Tim Cushings.
Also we own every attorneys name and every person who attacked us online even every commentator. As soon as the complaints are over we will be launching response websites for all of them. Then we are going to follow it up with mulitple national press release to tie these attorneys to their darkest blogs for life.

I do this for a living I have over 10,000 published blogs. I have programmers, designers, and an army of writes on staff. I own more sites than all of you combined and have over 80 other sites, with blogs, under mgmt. So you attack does not scare me and is pathetic. I have more than enough resources for a legal fight, and I have enough online resources to bury these attorneys and their fellow attackers in avalanche of press.

I only sat quit during the attack, because I wanted to let them all bury themselves and burn themselves out. Again I do this for a living. Now there is literally nothing else they can do to me. They have done their worse. Why do you think a blogger/programmer like me would sit and say "please stop attacking me?" I was letting them dig their hole. I could have battled with them right then and their but that would have been fools gold. Since I knew the bar complaints were coming out, I wanted my side clean, and I wanted to give the bar the fair chance to police its own. Those sanctioned by the bar will be left out of the responses. Those unsanctioned will receive multiple response articles and their very own website!

When the complaints are over, I will put up my responses in an organized and sweeping manor and since lawyers are always Googled before people use them it will cost the attorneys tens of thousands of dollars in cases. Moreover I'm going to be releasing a myriad of press releases including "Texas Bar Supports Cyber Bullying" "Said Lawyer Tries To cyber Bully Web Developer" "Pathetic Lawyers Try to Act Tough Online" Etc. I'm going to show everyone all the lies in these articles, then I'm going to tie the attorneys, and their bar associations to these blogs permanently online.

I have multiple attorneys and copy right agents I work with that will review everything before it goes up. I literally have probably 25 attorneys sites under management and have been sued by Charlie Sheen, Farrah the Teen Mom, and host of other people way more powerful than the people attacking me and have never lost a case. I cant even remember the last time I didn't have a case pending in federal or state court for one of my media sites. So I'm def not scared of a legal battle or these group of attorneys who are at the bottom of their respective fields. As far as I can see because Ive researched everyone involved. Im way more successful than any of them. I think because they keep sharing a Twitter pic from 20 years ago, and since they attacked me while I was breaking my PrintKiller.com site into The Print Killer Media Network (My site was ranked in the top 10% of the nation and had 40,000 articles on it, so it need to be smashed into multiple sites for greater success, traffic, and advertising revenue). That im weak online or just a kid. But, the reality is I'm much more successful than all of them combined, and am a 36 year old adult not a kid, running a top tier tech team. Mo rover we do this everyday, we get paid to do this, I can literally send out an email to my writers on a particular topic and easily publish 40+ articles a day. So i can bury each attacker with one days work. Not to mention we are online all day, so if they try to clean their name we will simply SEO our stuff back to the top. Im not looking at this like a a quick brawl online, I'm looking at this like a life long fight.
Meanwhile since the attack on me and my family from the attorneys I actually got more clients! So this whole thing is just going to feed me rep mgmt client after client, its going to be good free marketing for me. I got two clients that the attorneys attacked themselves being cleaned online as we speak! They called me after the initial attack and said they had been attacked by the attorneys as well lol. Thanks for the free $10k referral guys!!! That's really the only reason I didn't file the federal lawsuit against them. I knew I had them by the balls with the libel claim, but I had not damages. Literally no one I know has ever read their blogs, no one has ever even mentioned it to me.

You're older esteemed lawyer Ken White correct? I know you were referred form the other lawyer I spoke with yesterday. Because I never use this page. So why pose like your going to write an honest article, when you work with a site I filed a bar complaint on? Why pose like your writing an honest article when you were sent to this page by a lawyer attacking me? that seems pretty dishonest and unethical don't you think?

The company who organized this attack Tech Dirt. Is broke. Has written about leveraging and manufacturing the "Streisand affect" to bully people online. Which means they knew exactly what they were doing, that it was unethical, and most likely illegal. Its not free speech to organize against someone and spread libelous speech intentionally in an attempt to hurt them because they filed a bar complaint on you. When this all comes to light, and it will soon, You guys are going to be shows as a bunch of legal bully's, trying to protect their own, in a fraudulent and libelous attack on a lay person. And I'm pretty confident the public will take my side. I have meticulously tracked all of you, your affiliations, your firms, and this attack. I have documented and screen shot all communications including some on social media and in hidden online news rooms.

Here is a neat link on the company who started this attack Tech Dirt:

[link to even bigger lunatic's disturbing site omitted]

You guys are going to look really professional and honest attached to this press release.

And shortly thereafter:

Hey Ken, whats with you and the other guy ion reddits chins??? Whats in there liquid? Fat? What exactly do you have to eat to get a chin like that? Im just curious. I mean attack me if you want, I just feel sorry you guys have to live like that. Whens the last time a hot girl kissed you on the neck??? LMAO

The chins. It's always about the chins. (Patrick seems to be preoccupied with chins, actually.)

I replied:

Thank you for your comment.

Quoth he:

Your welcome!!! See you at the buffet table, you fat fuck!!!

Me:

Buffet tables are work. I prefer for people to carry food to me.

Him:

Im sure you do, then after they prolly wipe your ass cause you cant reach it!!! Lol Whens the last times you even saw your dick? 1979???

And so forth.

So, here come the phone threats and email threats and badly designed web sites and bizarre bar complaints, I'm sure.

Blusterbros tend to repeat some common themes that you can spot in Patrick's rant above:

1. There are huge things in motion that are going to crush you. HUGE. They are legal.
2. I have attorneys and developers and staff.
3. There is a conspiracy against me.
4. I am a super-genius and amazingly talented.
5. Celebrities adore me.
6. Here are some implausible numbers about my online activities.
7. Your criticism has resulted in me getting more positive attention and business.
8. Fuck spelling.

It's nice to be part of something. Thanks, Patrick!

Last 5 posts by Ken White

Comments

  1. Jeff Smith says

    Armies of attorneys, writers and web developers, but not a single proofreader it would seem.

  2. Jim Tyre says

    Also my name is already ruined online and will never be completely fixed.

    So, he has no damages from your note. '-) (Setting aside all the other issues for the sake of brevity.)

  3. Ben says

    I love that this post is really just an excuse to make that lengthy and embarassing Reddit mail rant public. But really, I could've done with a bit more of Ken mocking the guy, rather than letting him speak for himself. 3.5/5.

  4. Moebius Street says

    My take-away: "You're bullying my clients. I have mastered SEO so I can bully you back even stronger. Because of my bullying and SEO-fu, the public will love me."

    I think we're already seeing fallout from Presidential primaries: this is what happens when people start looking at Donald Trump as a role model.

    Edit: Huey, was that an "Alf" quote?

  5. mcinsand says

    He reminds me of Kim Jong-Un in two fundamental ways: blowhard set to 11 and, based on his skill, it's safe to say that English must be his third or fourth language.

  6. AH says

    Wow… honestly, I'm still not completely convinced this is a real person. It may be a group. Remember kids, the IQ of a group is the lowest IQ in the group divided by the number of people in the group.

    I bet his business cards even say "super-jenius" (it's inline with the rest of his spelling).

  7. PACW says

    Like DRed I cannot imagine any professional person using the 'LOL' and pretty much had my opinion set from the beginning – but I kept reading. I don't know why I punish myself like that.

    In all seriousness, is there proof that this is a real person? Many grown men are unprofessional and rather hapless with writing; but this is something different.

  8. JWH says

    When the complaints are over, I will put up my responses in an organized and sweeping manor

    Perhaps I could refer him to a good Realtor?

  9. JWH says

    Wow. Just wow. Lots of PR no-nos here. His best response would have been no response. His second best response would have been "Thank you for contacting me, Ken, but I'm not going to comment on this issue at this time."

  10. Dan says

    @Ben,

    But really, I could've done with a bit more of Ken mocking the guy, rather than letting him speak for himself.

    Do you think it's possible for even Ken to mock him more than he's already mocking himself? Ken's skills are indeed legendary, but I think that might be too tall of an order even for him.

  11. Jason says

    Ho. Lee. Crap. This is the guy that threatened me and every member of my company with doxing, and promised a fire of financial ruin, when we wouldn't pull the bar complaints off the document publishing site I work for. We get that crap all the time, so I waved it off. But then I saw your tweet and now there's coffee all over my keyboard.

  12. Castaigne says

    Ahh, Christmas in January. I'm happy for you, Ken, really. His reply must have caused you to invest in popcorn futures, because this is just the gift that will keep giving. My "analysis":

    Where they do not have free speech, they actually have heavily governed speech by their respective bar associations. We have multiple complaints in committee right now, a couple more in appeal.

    O RLY.

    I do this for a living I have over 10,000 published blogs

    IT'S OVER 9000!

    I have programmers, designers, and an army of writes on staff.

    I'll take "egregious lies" for $100, Alex.

    Now there is literally nothing else they can do to me. They have done their worse.

    Either this is false bravado or he has never encountered pissed-off attorneys. The guy really needs to look up "Brett Kimberlin" to see what happens when you try to attack dog the legal peeps.

    Those unsanctioned will receive multiple response articles and their very own website!

    So, there will be websites on everyone he targets.

    When the complaints are over, I will put up my responses in an organized and sweeping manor and since lawyers are always Googled before people use them it will cost the attorneys tens of thousands of dollars in cases.

    "Always Googled". Really.
    Also, I hope this "organized and sweeping manor" is set up in English Tudor style, with age-appropriate furniture. The responses will have a happy home there.

    I have multiple attorneys and copy right agents I work with that will review everything before it goes up.

    I'll take "egregious lies" for $200, Alex.

    I literally have probably 25 attorneys sites under management and have been sued by Charlie Sheen, Farrah the Teen Mom, and host of other people way more powerful than the people attacking me and have never lost a case.

    I agree, he's probably never lost a case. Automatic dismissals don't really count as a loss in my opinion.

    I cant even remember the last time I didn't have a case pending in federal or state court for one of my media sites.

    Keeping track of all those impending dismissals must be very wearying.

    Im way more successful than any of them.

    Says Captain Bankruptcy whilst standing on the ashes of his failed businesses.

    Which means they knew exactly what they were doing, that it was unethical, and most likely illegal.

    Nope and nope.

    Its not free speech to organize against someone and spread libelous speech intentionally in an attempt to hurt them because they filed a bar complaint on you.

    LIBELSLANDER!

  13. Grock says

    Hence why they have criminal charges sitting on the State Attorneys desk right now for their associates like Tim Cushings.

    Beyond the obvious fact that it is up to the PD to refer it to the DA for criminal prosecution and up to the DA to pursue it from there, private citizens don’t get to refer criminal charges to the State Attorney General’s office. I reached out to the Ft. Lauderdale PD, they have presented nothing to the local DA or the State Attorney to pursue for criminal charges related to Zarelli’s complaint. I’m sure no one is surprised to learn this.

    Also we own every attorneys name and every person who attacked us online even every commentator.

    Hey Ken, you’ve been “owned”. Me too apparently since I “commented” about him and my tweets were included in one of his “special” packets (Bennetts I believe).

    As soon as the complaints are over we will be launching response websites for all of them

    Cool. I feel tingly in my special place. A website all about me. Woot

  14. MelK says

    > Farrah the Teen Mom

    I had to google that one. I still have to ask, "who? Is she supposed to be famous or something?"

  15. Dan says

    Wow, my new favorite post ever. Ken, this sounds pretty serious. If I were you I'd retain the services of an older esteemed lawyer, someone like Mo Rover.

  16. L says

    I lost it at "Mo rover."

    Ditto – I literally laughed out loud.

    So who is Mo Rover and why didn't he capitalize Mo's last name?

    Check out Mo rover's latest album, "we do this everyday." So fire.

  17. NotTheProgurt says

    "You are, without doubt, the worst reputation manager I've ever heard of."

    "But you have heard of me!"

  18. sorrykb says

    For all his awful and inexcusable behavior, I do feel sorry for this guy. He's clearly unwell and engaging in tremendously self-destructive behavior, and while it *may* be true that he can't damage his reputation any further, I imagine there's still room for him to ruin his life.

  19. Dan says

    @norahc,

    Time to invest in more popcorn futures before he threatens Marc…

    I'll bet he could be goaded into threatening Marc. That would be entertaining to watch…

  20. AD says

    The most reprehensible thing out of this whole thing is Ken calling Keith Lee "middle-aged."

    Signed,

    Not Keith Lee, but Someone Close in Age

  21. Dan T. says

    I sometimes hear radio ads in South Florida for some sort of Internet reputation management service… wonder if that's by this guy?

  22. Kenm says

    Can we just ask him to stop mangling the english language? I'll be glad to call him a "super jenius" if it'll stop the typos and bad grammar!

    And, has anyone checked to see if he's actually filed any Bar complaints? Might be interesting to read those…

  23. Grock says

    For someone who is supposedly an SEO expert, Patrick Zarelli really does not understand a few key concepts. Websites won't rank if (1) the content isn't relevant and fresh so they're not read and receive no comments, and (2) other sites don't link in.

    Towards that end, I thought I'd provide a few facts for Mr. Zarelli's review, especially given who he thinks he's getting into an SEO war with.

    The following is a list of some of the websites talking about Mr. Zarelli's foolishness in comparison to Mr. Zarelli's own website and SEO reach.

    Ranked by Alexa.com highest ranking 1st:

    Techdirt.com
    18,575 Globally
    7,591 USA
    6,132 Sites linking in

    http://www.popehat.com
    92,891 Globally
    19,757 USA
    1,252 Sites linking in

    http://blog.simplejustice.us/ Scott Greenfield's site
    275,545 Globally
    64,499 USA
    644 Sites linking in
    BTW Patrick Zarelli is #2 Google search term driving current traffic to this site

    http://blog.bennettandbennett.com/ Mark Bennett;s site
    1,153,944 Globally
    309,904 USA
    289 Sites linking in
    BTW Patrick Zarelli is #4 Google search term driving current traffic to this site

    Now compare the above to Mr. Zarelli's site http://www.printkiller.com
    8,301,369 Globally
    No USA ranking at all – too small
    70 Sites linking in (he claims to own 80 websites, this won't matter given the above)

    Mr. Zarelli is far far behind on this SEO game, I doubt he can catch up without monumental effort while anyone else really doesn't have to do much at all except let Mr. Zarelli do what he does best.

  24. says

    The most reprehensible thing out of this whole thing is Ken calling Keith Lee "middle-aged."

    Signed,

    Not Keith Lee, but Someone Close in Age – AD

    My only issue with this whole ordeal!

  25. Jason says

    @grock

    To do that, I'd have to comment officially as a company rep, and I'm not. Our outside counsel is aware (and amused), and that's sufficient. Suffice to say it mirrors what you've already read.

  26. mcinsand says

    I think I figured out one of Zarelli's problems beyond poor grammar/spelling and worse logic; he's delusional in thinking that he can destroy others' reputations as effectively as he destroys his own.

  27. JTG says

    I have multiple attorneys and copy right agents I work with that will review everything before it goes up.

    I notice that he left out editors.

  28. T says

    Shame, really. If he had inherited a trust fund instead of a cocaine dependency, he'd be a leading Republican presidential contender.

  29. Yarrgh says

    @dm No no, he's explicitly said he's not using cocaine. He should start cutting his bath salts with Sani Flush though, seeing how full of shit he is…

  30. Ron C says

    When the complaints are over, I will put up my responses in an organized and sweeping manor

    I think he's been watching too much Downton Abbey.

  31. david says

    I have a visual of him typing that one-handed while sitting naked at a computer, Breaking Bad playing in the background, tongue stuck out in concentration . . the other hand . . .

  32. T says

    Actually, the Sani Flush may be the most plausible bit of the narcotics hyperbole, judging by the exquisite quality of the magnum opus he excreted above. A Bono-like offering, even.

  33. Miles Barnett says

    Was this actually Patrick Zarrelli you corresponded with, or was it really Donald Trump. It certainly is in Trump's style.

  34. That Anonymous Coward says

    How can anyone take him seriously? He must do most of his "business" verbally because no one could take anything he types seriously.

    Lets see – his reputation is that he is a blustering blowhard who behaves in a manner that makes people question if there is something causing it. He has unsuccessfully "repaired" his clients reputation (unless the master plan was to elevate the client by pushing him up by getting lower than him). He's done more damage to the client & himself than anything anyone else could do to him, & no one else has actually tried to.

    I only comment on these stories now so that I can get a mention in the piles of paper he sends out claiming they are evidence. I used to get mentioned in "evidence" in Federal Courts, now I'm trying to get RepBro to mention me… I think I might have a problem.

  35. Kenpachi says

    I'm no psychologist, but when someone writes at length about how multi-talented, resourceful, untouchable, menacing he/she is it's self evidently obvious he/she is the exact opposite. (or absolutely full of shit, to put it in polite french).

    I mean… didn't it occurred to him before sending this long rant what he was broadcasting to everybody rather than the actual content of all this verbal diarrhea?

    On another (very important) token for this blog entry, I'd like to disclose that English is not my first language, but after repeatedly squinting (as a self preserving involuntary reflex I guess) at the writing skills and overall composition of Mr. ImSoDangerous, I'd like to offer him, of course as a free service, some humble guidance.

    (At the very least I can show him the righteous way of the Samurai Mouse: the virtuous path of the right click button. Not only would he be able to see the err in his ways, but also he would attain Nirvana when he sees with his very eyes that an epiphanic menu spawns into existence, automatically suggesting several words properly spelled).

    PS #1: now I'm proofreading before I send this comment. (Hint to Mr. FullOfResources.BS)

    PS #2: I'm well aware the first paragraph of this comment applies to all of us, specially the one making the claim, so now I hit the send button, feeling good about myself and how I massaged my ego a little… please excuse my low self esteem issues… I'm working on them… actually I put my legion of lawyers/writers/bloggers/web developers/diligent monkeys to the task but they haven't come back with a comprehensible report yet… it's in english… smh

  36. VPJ says

    I think this guy should get together with Crystal Cox. He really needs some lessons on the PROPER use of ALL CAPS in a good unhinged rant.

    Amateur.

  37. That Anonymous Coward says

    @VPJ – DON"T SAY THE NAME! The name has power and if you use it she will come… Why has no one warned you!? Are you trying to destroy us all!!!

    Besides it would make more sense to see RepBro hooking up with the other CC and his "reputation" services. (Still waiting for his lawyer to pay up the cash he promised me)

  38. says

    I do not know Mo Rover but I know the dark voice. Soon I will meet with the dark voice to learn a thing and then I will tell you all about it if it is not a secret. I know the keep a secret.

  39. VPJ says

    @ThatAnonymousCoward

    Besides it would make more sense to see RepBro hooking up with the other CC and his "reputation" services.

    That other CC…? Oh yeah, him.

    Now that's just cruel.

  40. Grock says

    @ThatAnonymousCoward

    I was mentioned in one of his weird piles of paperwork. I rather look forward to a website erected to my greatness. Be jealous.

  41. Scott Jacobs says

    I cant even remember the last time I didn't have a case pending in federal or state court for one of my media sites.

    Keeping track of all those impending dismissals must be very wearying.

    I may just be an asshole, and certainly no expert when it comes to such things as reputation management websites, but if I ran such a company I would strive to have very, very long stretches of time where there were no pending state or federal cases for any of the websites I ran.

    I would imagine it would tend to anger the client for whom I was running the site…

  42. says

    But it's all better now. Patrick's sent me my own rant. I feel . . . pretty.

    First I thought of West Side's Story "I feel pretty" song, then I remembered this version with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson

    Then I imagined Ken singing.

    Then the nightmares began…

    I blame Zarrelli. Isn't there something in US Law (IIED??) that I can sue him on.. I feel violated!

  43. Czernobog says

    As soon as I saw "Mo Rover" I hit ctrl+f to see if anyone commented on him. I'm glad he's such a big hit.

  44. C. Josh Doll says

    I fell very offended that I have commented on both SHG's and MB's posts about this guy, and I have yet to be so much as even threatened….TBH it makes me wonder if he really has legions of copy writers. :(

    I guess the non-attorneys don't get the same level of response from him, disheartening to me, really.

    Haters gonna hate, copy writers gonna copy.

  45. SirWired says

    I think "Patrick Zarelli" is just a pseduonym for "Pony's Ally". It would explain a lot, given how this site has consistently tried to get word out about the Great Pony Menace.

    Prove me wrong.

  46. says

    It's funny – you have all these people emailing you for the honor of guest-blogging, and now Mr. Zarrelli has practically attained that goal without even asking.

  47. arity says

    "I have over 10,000 published blogs."
    Is this a derivative of Navy Seals copypasta?

    This is what his message looked like to me:
    What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little blogger? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Spray Tanning, and I've filed numerous lawsuits, and I have over 10,000 published blogs. I am trained in internet warfare and I'm the top counterblogger on the entire internet. You are nothing to me but just another lawsuit. I will tie your name to your darkest blog with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting state bar associations across the USA and attorneys' names are being collected right now so you better prepare for the avalanche, maggot. The avalanche of press that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your career. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere anywhere, anytime, and I can make a mess of your good name online in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in legal marketing, but I have access to an entire army of witers and designers and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable blog off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what legal retribution your little "clever" request for comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit blog posts all over you and you will drown in them. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

    Also it should be noted that this technically means that his published blogs are over 9000…

  48. Nat Gertler says

    Do you really want to be going up against a guy with an army of writes, Ken? Do you realize that, in America, writes are constitutionally protected?

  49. arity says

    "Whens the last time a hot girl kissed you on the neck??? LMAO"
    Not 12
    Totally 36

    "I'm sure you do, then after they prolly wipe your ass cause you cant reach it!!! Lol Whens the last times you even saw your dick? 1979???"
    How are you doing, fellow adults?

  50. Nat Gertler says

    Did you know that some people's names are anagrams for "Lazier Lap Trick"? I'm not going to mention any names, because I don't want to be turned in to my state's bar association. But could you really trust a guy with a namagram like that?

    –Gentler Rat

  51. JTG says

    I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in Spray Tanning

    Thanks. Now I have to get a new keyboard.

  52. That Anonymous Coward says

    @VPJ – That isn't cruel at all, if you want to crater any chance of your career ever recovering you need to build a really big fire. Hes playing with matches, far be it from me to deny the joy of rocket fuel added to his pyre. He already aligned himself with someone questionable (they linked to slander about me make them pay me so I can afford to link to slander about others because I am unable to see the irony), all that is left for this dream team is to hire JR to lead them all into the inferno.

    There are some names we just don't say for good reason, words have power and overused words have less power. I want this pyre to be an ELE, because RepBro bores me… I await the next generation who thinks they are smarter than RepBro and won't make the same mistakes to launch their own special brand of fail.

    @Grock – Its addictive to be in "legal" paperwork filed by those we wouldn't even consider trusting with safety scissors.

    @G – OHAI! Does picturing me dressed up Chita Rivera make it better or worse? :D

  53. Trent says

    I cannot believe any of you actually read that thing all the way through. I got a paragraph in and could actually FEEL my brain cells dying. That reply is a weapon of mass destruction. You could post that around a country and turn the whole country into drooling half wits just because they read it all the way through.

    Is this some secret alien plan to make the entire human race stupid?

    And how on earth can you even write anything with that many spelling errors, everything these days either automatically fixes it or underlines them in red, even browsers and simple text editors. You have to intentionally do it to get spelling that bad. Why would anyone do that if it wasn't some evil plot?

  54. 0dder says

    Here is a neat link on the company who started this attack Tech Dirt:

    [link to even bigger lunatic's disturbing site omitted]

    I wanna know what this site is. If it's techirt.com, like it sounds like it might be, why are they "even bigger lunatics? I thought you guys were pals.

  55. joat says

    That's it. I'm going into business selling Official Popehat Keyboard Covers and replacement keyboards. Or maybe waterproof keyboards?

    I started snickering somewhere around "trying to deter a dog by throwing bacon at it". Had to switch out keyboards shortly after that.

  56. DaveL says

    In the attack the lawyers said I do cocaine, my mom is an alcoholic, my dad was arrested for cocaine trafficking

    Admittedly it isn't easy keeping abreast of all the different people heaping well-deserved mockery on Mr. Zarrelli, but I can't recall seeing any of this. Can someone point me in the right direction?

    People know him. He's kind of a big deal. His library smells of rich mahogany.

    Except in his case, "Rich Mahogany" would be a proper name, and good old Rich apparently isn't in the habit of bathing.

  57. C. Josh Doll says

    Admittedly it isn't easy keeping abreast of all the different people heaping well-deserved mockery on Mr. Zarrelli, but I can't recall seeing any of this. Can someone point me in the right direction?

    I'd start here, although it isn't the beginning, it links to the start of all of this: http://blog.bennettandbennett.com/2015/10/2015-85-reputation-management-expert-patrick-zarrelli-weighs-in/

    Also multiple links here also: http://associatesmind.com/2016/01/19/patrick-zarrelli-attempts-to-blackmail-me/

  58. Stephen says

    If he is going to write all that stuff anyway, can you at least ask him to spread the word about the Ponies?

  59. Fasolt says

    Perhaps Zarrelli meant to type that he was Moe Greene. Looks like about the same level of blustery outrage.

  60. Monti says

    WOW. This… This is… This is AMAZING.

    I think this one response contains an equal or greater amount of crazy, threatening, balls-to-the-wall "I AM SO CRUSH YOU LOL" bluster than I have collectively seen in the entirety of the history of this site.

    This is why being alive is so great, I can make up some really crazy bullshit but reality keeps exceeding my wildest expectations.

    It's like, I can joke with my friends about bad movies but then someone goes and makes "Birdemic".

    10000 blogs, 80 sites, 40000 articles, 25 attorney's sites, etc. Hmmm, let me guess, he is also behind 7 proxies?

    Also, "Patrick Zarrelli is what you would get if a spray tan achieved semi-sentience." That's just. So. Freaking. Beautiful. I nearly cried. I <3 you Ken.

  61. says

    Hey Ken…

    I'm the Super Genius – it's in the title of my blog.

    Please refrain from using my name in vain lest I engage in some legal thuggery against you.

    Govern yourself accordingly or some such shit ;)

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