Statement Of Dear Leader And In-House Counsel Joel Pollak Denouncing Criminal Acts Of Traitor Fields-Shapiro Gang

(BREITBART PYONGYANG) Today all the peoples of TrumpNation expressed shock and remorse at news of the well-documented crimes of slanderous traitors Michelle Fields and Ben Shapiro toward Great Leader Donald Trump and the memory of Eternal Breitbart News President Andrew Breitbart.

Word of the infamous and unnameable deeds of the assassins Fields and Shapiro was released by Dear Leader Joel Pollak, Breitbart News Editor At Large and In-House Counsel, who said thusly: "For months the lies and villainies of the lawless Fields-Shapiro Gang have festered beneath the skin of Breitbart News, before erupting forth like the oozing pus of a treacherous pimple into the sunlight of truth. It was only due to the heroic work of the Special Organs and Great Leader Donald Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski that these treasons against all humanity, and the Populist Nationalist Idea of Great Leader Donald Trump, were dragged forth into the public view, to be spat upon as such slanders deserve."

The lies of the venomous she-bitch Michelle Fields against TrumpNation and all right-thinking peoples are thus exposed to the ridicule and contempt of the peoples. It was through the dedicated work of Mister Lewandowski that Fields was exposed as a malignant urchin posing under the good and honorable name of a Breitbart News Reporter at Large, who casts lies and deceits into the popular consciousness concerning Great Leader Donald Trump, the Lion of Trump Tower, who because of his endurance and inflexible will to win will go from conquest to conquest leaving fire in his wake. May all such traitors wither before the gaze of the unforgiving peoples of TrumpNation.

Of the wrecker and saboteur Ben Shapiro it is best not to speak, save that his name must be blotted from all scrolls and shattered from all tablets for all time to come. The rootless cosmopolitan Shapiro, who was taken in as a foundling and nurtured to strength by Our Eternal President Andrew Breitbart, has betrayed his benefactor by repeating the calumnies of Fields and magnifying her foul work, spitting upon the honored body of the man who raised him from the gutter from whence he came into the worldwide prominence he enjoyed as a Breitbart News Editor at Large and trusted friend of Great Leader Donald Trump, only to sell his master's wife and children in return for the hireling Judas thirty pieces of silver he received from the weakling Ted Cruz, curse his name!

Breitbart News Editor at Large John Nolte, who has succeeded the thrice-accursed dog Ben Shapiro in all offices and honors, spoke of his devotion to Great Leader Donald Trump and assailed the reprehensible back-stabbers Fields and Shapiro as such: "May all of the fruits of the treasons and betrayals of the disloyal Fields-Shapiro Gang turn to scorching ashes in their mouths, burning their serpents tongues for all time in retribution for their greedful and unfair words. Ten thousand years of life to Great Leader Donald Trump!" All the peoples of TrumpNation agree. The Populist Nationalist Idea of Great Leader Donald J. Trump shall endure through the ages, until all such liars and slanderers suffer the torments and bereavements of the damnation which is their fate, and America is Made Great Again.

The Fields-Shapiro Gang has been broken up, and their double dealing exposed, yet these two flunkies of the GOP establishment and wicked Ted Cruz remain at large. A Peoples Tribunal of Breitbart News editors has sentenced the Fields-Shapiro Gang to doxing, to death in absentia, and to public mortification. All peoples of TrumpNation are urged to report the whereabouts of these two thieves in the night. Great Leader Donald Trump has promised huge rewards, including an autographed Make America Great Again baseball cap, in return for their capture, alive if possible.

Follow Patrick Nonwhite on Twitter @DPRK_News.

Kim Jong Il

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Comments

  1. Mu says

    Reading about the Breitbart massacre is like reading about the SS-guards that were gunned down in a basement at Dachau after being captured. You ought to be outraged, but you can't think of it happening to a more deserving bunch.

  2. Thess says

    This was less petty and more rational than the actual Breitbart response to Shapiro's resignation.

  3. Dwight says

    By chance I came across William Bigelow's retracted piece, stuck discarded in a crevice of the Internet's folds. If this was intended to be a parody of that you are going to need to punch it up with a little more Crazy, Patrick. :p I wish you luck though, that's a very tall order.

  4. Jason says

    Well at least Trump does't dress like the Korean dictator, unlike a certain pantsuited candidate on the Democrat side.

  5. Whandall says

    Well at least Trump does't dress like the Korean dictator, unlike a certain pantsuited candidate on the Democrat side.

    "

    Burn! No, wait, the other thing. Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul

  6. NickM says

    All today needs to be complete is for Gawker to publish a video of someone who still works at Breitbart being raped when he was 4.

  7. A.Nagy says

    Sharpio's articles were the one thing I was still sometimes reading on Trumpbart, whelp byebye forever.

  8. mcinsand says

    Jason, I think you might be overly generous when you refer to a particular candidate as 'pantsuited.' That particular candidate has a wardrobe that looks to me like it came from a Star Trek prop auction.

    Disclaimer: I'm not stupid enough to base my vote on a candidates wardrobe, though I have no doubt that I can provide plenty of ammunition for disparaging my intelligence. I would be perfectly happy with a candidate that I agreed with philosophically but dressed like Peter Gabriel onstage in the '70s. Just as I'd be perfectly unhappy with a Trump-like candidate in any sort of attire.

  9. SirWired says

    Is it just me, or do NK's leaders look progessively less "leader-like" with each generation?

    Kim #1 looked like a typical Korean
    Kim #2 was kind of normal, except when he wore those goofy lifts, or posed for all those "pointing at things" pictures.
    Kim #3 looks like the result of several generations of inbreeding. (And his hair looks about as ridiculous as Trump's.)

  10. Fasolt says

    It should never have gone this far. All Mr. Lewandowski had to do was express a sincere Mea Culpa to Ms. Fields, and come up with a mutually agreed upon remedy for Ms. Fields. Everyone would have still thought Lewandowski was a giant asshole for putting his hands on Ms. Fields, but at least he would have been a giant asshole who did the right thing. Trump and Lewandoski should have marched right up to the nearest microphone after the incident, and expressed their regrets and apologies. That would have ended all of this before it got started.

    What Breitbart (or any other media organization) is doing is what you do when you are in the bag for a particular person. Breitbart did not want to piss off Trump, and perhaps lose their access to him, so they downplayed the incident in hopes the incident would go away.

  11. Fasolt says

    @Patrick Non-White:

    The rootless cosmopolitan Shapiro, who was taken in as a foundling and nurtured to strength by Our Eternal President Andrew Breitbart, has betrayed his benefactor by repeating the calumnies of Fields and magnifying her foul work, spitting upon the honored body of the man who raised him from the gutter from whence he came into the worldwide prominence he enjoyed as a Breitbart News Editor at Large and trusted friend of Great Leader Donald Trump, only to sell his master's wife and children in return for the hireling Judas thirty pieces of silver he received from the weakling Ted Cruz, curse his name!

    All of that in one sentence. Bravo, sir!

  12. Leo Marvin says

    Though I find Cruz more frightening than Trump, I understand how principled, intelligent people with whom I vehemently disagree can support Cruz. I can't make sense of anyone with a brain and a conscience supporting Trump. IMO Cruz is a dangerous ideologue, but at least he has principles to which he's accountable. He'd never get away with stonewalling the Lewandowski-Fields incident the way Trump is doing. That Trump knows he'll pay no price for refusing to take responsibility for his campaign manager assaulting a reporter is merely the latest example of the copious evidence his candidacy is an unprincipled, unaccountable personality cult. I get why he appeals to ignorant bigots, but can someone please explain to me how he gets the support of people like Ben Carson?

  13. Dwight says

    I get why he appeals to ignorant bigots, but can someone please explain to me how he gets the support of people like Ben Carson?

    I thought Ben made that pretty clear in his endorsement?

    1) Carson found that Trump in private, with his clown make-up off, was a very different and much more intellectually engaging person. Not that I trust Carson's judgement on this but I can buy Trump switching tempo/tunes readily to bring Carson in.
    2) Bigots vote, in large volume it would seem. Carson made it clear he was jumping on the bandwagon for political expediency for Red to win the 2016 edition of the Eternal Red v Blue War.

    Carson now has a full time politics job (heads up My Faith Votes). I expect he's thinking he's got something of a deal with Trump. That his Christian politic-club is going to get a front row seat at the table in exchange for backing and delivering crucial votes to close the deal on the primaries (which you might think would otherwise go to Cruz).

    P.S. Carson is no stranger to ignorance & bigotry, just not the race variety.

  14. Leo Marvin says

    Carson is no stranger to ignorance & bigotry, just not the race variety.

    Fair enough. I wouldn't call him a bigot, since to me that word implies hateful, which I don't believe he is, but then my usage is probably atypically narrow.

  15. Richard Smart says

    Dear Mr Marvin,

    I'd agree with everything Dwight said above, but can I add the following? Mr Trump might be an unprincipled, crude, opportunistic fathead, but so far he has been a successful one – and that's really all that counts in politics.

    Then again, there are reasons for feeling sanguine about how Trump would actually perform in office. After all, we've heard the name-calling before. Who here recalls the obloquy faced by Reagan during his presidential campaign? Few Republicans and no Democrats believed a failed actor, with nothing resembling what the élites would call intelligence, could be a successful President. It turned out what was vital was vision, the will to carry it through, and assistants of ability.

    Does Trump have vision? Will? Able subordinates? I have no idea, but there's an interesting set of facts that I'd expected to see widely broadcast and commented on. There hasn't been peep, however. I'd observe Donald Trump has a sister. Said sister is a federal judge. She is, by all accounts, both extremely competent and a sweetie. Republicans disapprove of her, because she decided a case relating to abortions in a way that the anti-abortion lobby hated like poison, and she was a Clinton appointee (yes, really).

    Question for you: is it possible that Donald might have inherited a little of his little sister MaryAnne's brains? And perhaps this might shed some light on the relationship between the Trumps and the Clintons? Like paying over money to an election campaign for Hillary?

  16. albert says

    A "…venomous she-bitch…". Does that mean Shapiro is a venomous he-bitch?

    I don't mean to question our Great Leaders judgment; perhaps something was lost in translation.

    . .. . .. — ….

  17. dtsund says

    You almost had me, but I'm afraid you misspelled "Ted Cruise". This ain't a real press release!

  18. SirWired says

    I am going to guess that Carson was promised the Surgeon General's job.

    Talk about a consolation prize! Other than bully pulpit the job provides, the Surgeon General pretty much has no actual job. Officially, he/she is in charge of the Public Health Commissioned Corps, but in practice said officers pretty much nearly always work for the individual agency that they currently report to. (Currently there are about 20 different agencies with said officers.)

  19. Jon says

    Shapiro's "shock" that they'd use the same methods against him does seem a bit…

    Choose your term.

    I vote for Renaultesque (viz. Casablanca).

    As for Drumpf being "successful" — only in selling himself and his name. As has been widely pointed out, even leaving aside his many failed businesses (outside real estate), he'd be richer if he had invested his inheritance in the S&P 500.

  20. Dwight says

    @Leo Marvin

    I can see arriving at that view.

    To be fair his hate manifests relatively passively, and he likes to say he doesn't hate those "rabid dogs" for example (in reference to Syrian refugees, particularly the ones that are nominally not-Christian), but that's sort of how the polite version of bigotry works IMO. *shrug*

    BTW I don't think active, full-on bigotry is the full draw of Trump. It is more complex than that. He's definitely sassy shit disturber and he's definitely got some anti-globalization vibe going. I assume that's what Marc Randazza likes about him (how else do you reconcile "Trump or Sanders"?) Even if, as it is turning out, he's ultimately a special snowflake that wants a safe zone from which to sassily disturb shit. And far be it from me to suggest nobody has reason to be damn angry about this or that, or being of the opinion that some apple carts could use a little overturning to some measure, is an entirely wrong opinion to hold.

  21. Ross says

    Trump's appeal isn't just his espoused bigoted views on immigration and crime. It's because he's telling his audience what they want to hear. He's massaging the egos that for many election cycles have been told their views don't matter, they are wrong, they're racist, and (important to them) issues establishment's politicians won't touch with a ten foot pole.

    He's taking on the media and winning. The caucus decisions prove that the media don't have a damned clue what's going on and having hissy fits because he's not playing their game. People despise the mainstream media these days, so this is a huge plus for him with voters.

    He's taking on the establishment network of the Republican party and not just winning, he's got them running absolutely terrified evidenced by the increasing attacks by establishment talking heads. Those attacks are going to backfire as the establishment is hated almost as much as the media. The Tea Party formed as a protest to establishment politics.

    His appeal is much like that of most populist leaders regardless of their political leaning. Charismatic people telling the mob what they want to hear plus a willingness to punch the "old guard" in the 'nads equals votes from those fed up with the status quo. It happened in pre-WW2 Germany and Italy. It happened with Huey P. Long in Louisiana. People are fed up, and it's not just conservatives.

    The Democrat establishment should be just as scared as this is the same thing that's happening on the other end of the political spectrum with Sanders. Both of them are populists and both of them are appealing to those "fed up". The voting public is proving this isn't an anomalous year. It happened with then outsider Barak Obama in 2008 and it's a growing sentiment. Both parties best pay heed.

    Whether Trump really believes what he's shoveling is immaterial to what the voting public believes or why they're voting for him. Anecdotally it's because they are "sending a message" to the establishment. That's what I hear most locally. The same is true with Sander's supporters though I most hear from them they also believe Sanders is genuine in his beliefs, which I don't hear from Trump supporters as much.

  22. Richard Smart says

    Dear Ross,
    Remember Long's dictum that 'one day the people of Louisiana will get clean and good government, and they will hate it.'

    Notice that Mr Kasich, still in the race, seems to have a target-rich environment; his rallies see him skewering the complete unrealism of Cruz positions such as a flat tax rate, as well as Trump's bombast. Kasich has an 80% approval rate for his performance as governor, and could well be the best-placed Republican nominee to challenge Clinton for the presidency, yet his delegate count is very low.

    Frankly if I were the Republican establishment I'd be giving him every possible aid, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

  23. A.Nagy says

    Kasich also hasn't been attacked at all yet by really anyone, Cruz has been slapped with basically everything they do have on him already, the well of Trumps things on him is infinite but he also seems somehow immune to it. Also whenever people start going we need to place in this person because winning rather than this person because they are the best is cringey. It's like when many of the Rs were running around going Trump is racist and that's bad because he can't win, it's like NO IT'S BAD BECAUSE HE IS A RACIST YOU IDIOTS. The main issue with Kasich on the he is the GOPs best chance is he literally can't win outside of a brokered convention and if you do that and if whoever gets the nom didn't have most of the delegates Trump will claim unfair and run 3rd party. As far as Trump supporters are just angry that's pretty much all I see. "It's about sending a message to the establishment" "Who cares it's only 4 years even if it is wrong." "At least Trump is telling you he is lying to your face which makes him more honest that other politicians."

  24. Richard Smart says

    Dear Mr Nagy,

    "Trump will claim unfair and run 3rd party."

    Perfectly true, though the point of Kasich's 80% rating is to show he wouldn't be that vulnerable to negative campaigning.

    But wouldn't Trump's third-party candidacy be so entertaining? Wouldn't that bankrupt him, given recent articles suggesting he only has around $100 million or so liquid funds? And wouldn't the split mean a permanent re-alignment of American politics?

    Help me out, I'm trying to see a downside here.

  25. AlphaCentauri says

    I talked to a Trump supporter who is a naturalized citizen (yeah, pulling up the ladder behind him). He was born in Greece when it was a monarchy. He sees politicians ruining Greece and running amok here, and he longs for a king.

    And that's really what Trumps supporters want when they say they like him because he's not a politician. We're shaking our heads wondering why they are following someone who behaves like Hitler or Mussolini, but a dictatorship is what they actually want.

  26. TheLizard says

    ]

    And that's really what Trumps supporters want when they say they like him because he's not a politician. We're shaking our heads wondering why they are following someone who behaves like Hitler or Mussolini, but a dictatorship is what they actually want.

    Not really. In fact, that's what they already have. What they are looking for is someone to burn down the Republican Party, which has spent the last 20 or 30 years stabbing them in the back. And it's working.

    Frankly, the GOP did this to themselves. They CREATED the demand for someone like Donald Trump. I've been calling it the GOP Suicide Pact since about 2007.

Trackbacks

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