Ask PopeHat! 11/4/2016

Welcome to another edition of ASK POPEHAT!  Where we take your user submitted questions (ask@popehat.com)and answer them, along with a special guest.  Today's special guest is Republican Presidential Candidate Donald J Trump!

trump golden stethescope


 

Dear PopeHat,
I'm a 52 year old women, living in God's Country. It's beautiful here, with all the trees and mooses and stuff. But I've been having some problems, and I hope you could help.

I have a lot of opinions, and thoughts about things. But lately I'm feeling ignored. People usually just laugh me off as an idiot, or unimportant. They mansplain to me. It's not like I'm some failure, I've achieved a certain level of success, enough to where I believe my thoughts and opinions should hold some weight. Lately, I've found out that some of the men are making a "hot list" of all the women in the village. ALL of them. And it's just really demeaning that after 52 years of life and accumulated knowledge, I'm still just reduced to a 1-10 scale of "hotness".

I'm 52 fucking years old, I just want to go to a bar and have a beer without some bearded bumblefuck pawing at me. I don't want special treatment, I just want to be treated as a person.

Sarah,
Anchorage, AK

 

ASKPOPEHAT

Sarah,
Guys, amirite?

Maybe you're sharing your opinions with the wrong crowd. I certainly am not going to go into Fantasy Football stats with a classroom of 5 year-olds (it didn't go over well), and maybe you shouldn't bother sharing your thoughts with a less than receptive crowd. If you don't like how the bumblefucks are treating you, why are you hanging around bumblefucks?

Guys can certainly act like assholes. But not all guys. We're all unique, like snowflakes. If you don't have the patience or inclination to change the people in your environment, either endure it or get a new environment.

PH




trump golden stethescope
Sarah:
Nothing makes me angrier than when big dumb guys discriminate against girls and women. Like everyone says, no one loves women more than I do, and nothing gets me going more than a strong independent woman, able to care and provide for herself. Everybody tells me that I'm a true leader in the fight for women's rights! All the polls say so.

The Trump Campaign and the unrelated Trump Organization know that women are the best and should not be treated badly in any cases. And to prove this, I'm so proud to announce a new groundbreaking product and service coming available to women very soon.

 

TrumpWomen

We've done extensive research into Women's Issues in the Trump Campaign and the unrelated Trump Organization. What we've discovered is that women are very very concerned about their pussies. Like, it's all they think about! Well, let me assure you, that we will treat all pussy issues with the care and dedication that the Trump Campaign and the unrelated Trump Organization is known for.

trump exam room 2

Many people say that women out there are tired of the same old boring sterile clinic, with old doctors poking their old dusty hands in their twats and stuff. We at the Trump Campaign and unrelated Trump Organization have done lots and lots of study into women, using the internet and other things. And there's one thing we know women love: luxury and handsome fellas. Wouldn't THIS be better? I know if I was a broad I'd be standing up in the fucking stirrups.

TrumpClinic

Many people have said that women have a great desire for fine luxury goods and services; I've made so much money off these broads, believe me. And what is more known for luxury quality than the Trump Campaign and the unrelated Trump Organization?!

Trump universe

The Trump Women's Health Clinic will use nothing but the most high quality luxury level equipment, crafted from the finest metals and high quality plastics. All designed and approved by me, and most importantly, tested by myself. That's right: Your gynecological exam table has been ridden by Donald J. Trump himself. What woman wouldn't cream over that?

trumpulum

There's nothing women love more than getting pregnant: That's why it's such a tragedy when some just can't do it. Well the Trump Women's Health Clinic also focuses on that! Whether it's a body problem with the women, or a mental disease, The Trump Women's Health Clinic will provide all needed services and stuff to get that shit fixed. Even if she's a lezbo. We'll use nothing but the absolute greatest in science and medicine to fix whatever the hell is wrong with that woman's hoo-hah. In fact, if you upgrade to the Trump Elite Platinum Club, you get treatment from one of the smartest women-experts available, myself! Everybody tells me that I'm an absolute smart guy when it comes to women's anatomy and brain-working. So far my tests have had a 100% success rate in fixing the woman's defective-ness!

Size Issue

I don't know about you guys, but every woman I know can't wait to get her pussy checked the fuck out at a TRUMP WOMEN'S HEALTH CLINIC: Coming soon to a fine gaming institution near you!

Clinic and Casino

Note: Special Photoshop thanks for @TSAgov and Anglave, for their assistance

Last 5 posts by Derrick

Comments

  1. Jim Tyre says

    Who the heck is Derrick? Will his re-emergence after such a long silence start a domino effect?

  2. tehy says

    i was rather hoping they'd make fun of the whole "listing you as a number reduces you to that number" idea. Rather, it reduces an aspect of you which it is measuring to a number, with the obvious understanding that personality, knowledge, etc. are too variable and too hidden to be measured objectively or cared about

  3. IForgetMyName says

    Feel free to check my previous comments where I make my contempt for Trump and certain segments of his supporters pretty obvious before you accuse me of merely being offended and unable to take a joke at the expense of "my guy":

    The humor in this post mostly fell flat for me. Maybe this Derrick just isn't as funny as the Popehat regulars, maybe we've exceeded the saturation point for Trump or anything Trump-like, or maybe Trump himself has actually become so over the top and cartoonish that he's become parody-proof.

  4. J says

    I'm out. Popehat used to be fairly even handed with respect to left/right issues. Now its all just from the left all the time. The beginning of this was apparent when Clark was forced out.

    Feed removed.

  5. silenceinheavenforabouthalfanhour says

    @ Sarah if men are being useless there's always women :)

    Women are programmed to find the loveless side of male sexuality revolting, for obvious reasons. Everyone reacts the same way to being *told about revolting things in excruciating detail*. I don't bother men about my periods or my bowel movements.

  6. Richard Smart says

    It would be funnier to think of Trump responses to real questions, like "Will you follow the example of JFK and appoint your sister as Attorney-General?"

    Don't imagine for two seconds the answer would be "Yes." First, Trump would want to make a deal with some rich lawyer friend, though I'm not sure what the quid pro quo would be. Second, his sister represents a different kind of woman problem: she would surely kneecap most of his favourite initiatives.

    But it would be amusing to watch Trump neither confirm nor deny the suggestion.

  7. IForgetMyName says

    @J:

    Apologies for violating the request from Ken and others not to bad-mouth Clark after he left, and I have no clue if he was "forced out," but I think it's good that he's gone. You're right, Clark was the most consistent voice from the right on Popehat. He was also, during his last few months, getting a bit inconsistent in the quality of his posts and in particular the quality of his interaction in the comments.

    I don't know if he was just getting tired and defensive (beyond the Popehat contributors, the comments section seems to have gotten more liberal over the last year or so, and some people were pretty vicious towards him), or maybe his style just doesn't click with me in the way that Ken and Patrick's do. Either way, he was starting to do for conservatives what Hannity (or is it Colmes?) did for liberals, and I didn't like it.

    I'd love to see a more consistently conservative voice here at Popehat, but I'd prefer someone who–like Ken or Patrick–intersperses his snarky humor and vicious personal attacks with the kind of logical, "this follows from that" arguments that speaks to the lawyer in me.

  8. babaganusz says

    Clark 'forced' out?
    doesn't every Popehat contributor serveblog at the pleasure of Ken? why would no longer contributing paeans to Beale and Moldbug [under the Popehat banner] require 'force'?
    but i sure won't bad-mouth him. he at least seemed to take police brutality seriously.

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