Dawn of Politics- vol I

Politics are like real-time strategy games. They involve a careful gathering of resources and split-second decisions of their use. Ideally, the combination of tactical strategy and a more urgent pace than turn based would produce a typical match like speed chess; exhibiting fast pace, intense thinking, and tactical strategy. In reality though, the games comprise of memorized build orders and a game pace so fast nearly all strategy is thrown out the window. The only people who triumph are those losers who play for hours and hours on end; memorizing hotkeys while their vocabulary atrophies into Three Letter Acronyms. Does that sound familiar?

We've just had a historic primary season, or so I'm told. And you, dear reader, are probably sitting there in front of your computer, empty beer bottles strewn about, thinking, 'Now what the hell just happened? And where are my pants?'

Well hang on, I'm about to explain it to you, using the hyper-violent RTS Dawn of War, by Relic entertainment. By the way, your pants are behind the toilet. Go put them on before reading this; no one should have to see that shit.

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Avernum V Released

Good news on the indie crpg front: indie leader Spiderweb Software has just released Avernum V for Windows. I'm downloading the demo now.

Spiderweb Software has developed the impressive Exile, Geneforge, and Avernum lines of indie crpgs. They're perfect for people hankering back to the golden era of Ultima and Wizardry — big on gameplay without so much eye candy. The mechanics and gameplay of the Avernum line of games has become increasingly polished, and it still offers the joy of discovery that you often don't get with the big-budget graphics-card-taxing titles. Enjoy in good health. Look for a review later.

Products I Think I'll Take a Pass On

Via BoingBoing, I see that the Germans have come up with a pill to improve first person shooter performance, which does not mean what the non-gamers in our audience think it means. The high dose of caffeine allegedly improves performance on first-person-shooter video games. You know, I think I'll just stick to beer. Plus, this part has to be the least reassuring product description ever:

4 FpsBrain contains only ingredients that have been tested and are approved in Germany.

[rerun] Gamers are different

So last night about 8:00 I stop at our local Baja Fresh to pick up some dinner. I don’t particularly want Mexican food, but I’m atoning for working late and missing out on helping putting the munchkins to bed — they have been particularly hyper.

I pull into our shopping center and see a large and distinctly motley crowd on the sidewalk next to Baja Fresh. At first I think it is something political, possibly a disaffected-and-poorly-dressed-youth-for-Nader rally or something. But then I see they are all standing in front of our local GameStop. I don’t go in there much because I am not a console boy and they have segregated their pathetic few PC games to a single narrow shelf space in the back. But they are not suffering for want of my business tonight. There must be a good 40 people crowded in front of the store, in a sort of not-line line, all looking expectantly at the door, which is open and guarded by a GameStop employee who would last about three seconds if they rushed him. [Read more…]