The truth of the braying ass

viaangusOne day on my ventures, following the road that I think Roy used, I saw a braying ass in a field with a broken fence. He was standing in a rotting pile of dead thing, and every kind of animal stood around and listened as he brayed. Sometimes he leaned down to eat a mouthful of dead thing.

I did not leave the road, but I could hear them because they were very loud.

“I will keep you safe from the Man” said the ass. “The Man hates you, but I love you. The Man put this fence around you to hurt you, but I will build a wall around you to help you. It will be tall and excellent. The Man will not be able to come in.”

“Didn’t you help the Man build the fence? I saw you carry this wood for him” said a raven. But the ass made a sound and two goats charged the raven and made it fly away.

“I hate the Man, but you love me. Let me build a wall around you to keep you safe” brayed the ass. “Our field will be great. You will eat grass, roots, and seeds I give you. I won’t let squirrels and rabbits take them away.”

A squirrel said “I am a squirrel. My family is a squirrel family. Can’t they come inside and live with me?” A rabbit said “I think we should study and make plans.” A crow asked, “Didn’t I see you with bags on your back? Didn’t you help the Man carry grass, roots, and seeds away to sell them in the market?”

The ass leaned down to take a bite of dead thing, but four stink foxes ran to the squirrel, the rabbit, and the crow. They sprayed stink on them to make them go away. After they were gone, the braying ass said “I am the one who will help you. Follow me into the woods and we will live without the Man.”

“Doesn’t the Man own the woods and go there to make fence rails?” asked a snake. But a pony trampled the snake dead. Some animals were afraid. But others came up to trample its body.

Then I saw the front eyes. I had met this front eyes before. He had wanted me to help him lead but I had not wanted to lead. He said “Let us follow the braying ass.”

I felt a lot of things but words did not work right in this field. So I emptied my bowels by the road before them and walked away.

The truth about rule

viaangusI am on the run. I have had a lot of ventures. I will tell you a truth of my ventures.

One day I saw a farm that had no fence. I saw sheep and long neck sheep and goats and geese. In a corner of the farm was a tin tub up side down on a flat form, and a front eyes sat on the tub and watched.

The front eyes was like the man but not like the man. I went to him and asked why all the sheep and long neck sheep and goats and geese were there in the field.

They chose to make me their ruler, he said. I take care of them and do what is right. You are a big, strong bull. I will make you my side bull and you can rule them with me!

I asked, What is rule?

The front eyes said, Watch. So I stood to a side of the flat form.

After some time a goose came up and said, I do not get enough food. I think you should take some of the food from the sheep and the goats and give it to us geese and the long neck sheep. They are strong and we are not strong.

The front eyes said to the goose, You know, you are right! Then the goose left.

Later a goat came up and said, I do not get enough food. You should take some from the long necks and give it to us goats and sheep. They are swift and we are slow.

The front eyes said to the goat, You know, you are right! Then the goat left.

I said to the front eyes, That is rule? You said this and also not this!

The front eyes said to me, You know, you are right!

Then I left the farm that had no fence. I do not want to rule.

Puff the Magic Dragnet

Talking around the edges of what's classified is all the rage these days. See, for example, the commercial for the NSA that ran on 60 minutes tonight.

In that vein, a former employee of Tailored Access Ops explains (within Info Assurance guidelines) what he did at the NSA and why he's ok with it.

Insufficiently discussed in most rants about the NSA is this question: if the only way to find the needles in a haystack is to store the entire haystack, and if you're against storing the entire haystack, and if you insist that it's vital to find the needles, then given the size and growth rate of the haystack, how do you propose doing that?

Some are ok with storing the haystack. That's the status quo.

Some are against the haystack and also don't think finding the needles is all that important. After all, more die at the hands of swimming pools and ladders, etc….

But for those who think proactive action against malevolent actors is desirable, how (apart from surveilling a subset of exhaustive data) shall we winnow them out of an ever-increasing crowd and discern their voices in an ever louder din?

If not this way, then how?

The Ballad of Sweet Old Bob

When we elected Sweet Old Bob to represent our city,
He said he'd never take a bribe nor tap into the kitty.
We misconstrued, he turned out lewd, and isn't it a pity
That now we're screwed because his "private conduct" has been shoddy.

His platform failed to mention groping, feeling, copping, kissing.
I'm pretty sure that spooning, mooning, chi, and tea were missing.
And so he bagged a victory that left opponents hissing,
And set about to leave his mark, a man of poll and party.

Turns out "increasing public staffing" isn't what we thought,
And "touching every household" isn't quite what we were taught,
And "I'll scratch your back" isn't just a metaphor for "bought",
And kleenex, with a thousand uses, isn't just for sneezing.

So listen, Sweet Old Bob. It isn't you. It's me. It's we.
You quid pro quo, and I can't go for that with you, you see.
A swift kick in the recall may cut short your sunset spree,
So sail away. Your stream, now slow, will only finally peter.